Breaking Bonnie
by Bamonbitch
Summary: After escaping the prison world on her own, Bonnie has a new attitude and output on life. She's decided that she's done being the martyr and its high time to start looking out for herself. How will her old friends handle the new Bonnie Bennett?
1. Chapter 1

Two weeks have passed since I finally got out of the prison world created by Kai's psychopathic family. After Elena and Damon's failed rescue mission I really thought all hope was lost. My heart literally broke in two when I came to the Gilbert's old family home and saw no trace of Damon or Elena. My one chance was literally ripped out of my grasp and I felt it. I finally felt the sense of emptiness and despair and loneliness. But I had a good cry. It felt good to finally let that out. I tried so hard to hold on to hope, but what the fuck has hope done for me, other than let me down?

After that epic failure on Damon and Elena's behalf I had to come to terms in the situation that I was in. I was going to be locked in this shithole forever. I realized that nobody really cared about me. And it was a depressing thing to think y'know? After everything that I've done for them they couldn't save me.

I waited a whole three months for them to come and save me. I'd stay at the boardinghouse waiting to hear Damon's voice. So many different scenarios ran through my mind of how he would come back. Would he come back alone, or with anybody else? Would he crack open some eggs and start making pancakes before we left? God, I missed those pancakes. But he never came. And day, after day, after day, I'd feel it more. The loneliness was killing me. There was this unbearable feeling in the pit of my stomach that would travel all around my body. It hurt so much. I've been through heartbreak, watching my loved ones die, being the anchor, and _dying _myself, but what I was feeling right now didn't compare any of those. No, this type of pain was internal and external. This type of pain was in the root of my being. It was _embedded_ in me. It felt like despair, pain, defeat, and disappointment all combined. It was killing me. And every day all I thought about was Damon, and that made it worse. I blamed him for this pain I was feeling. It was _him. Him, him, him. _God I despised him. I know it seems pretty pathetic for putting Damon on such a high pedestal after all the shit he put me through, but through the six years I've known him, he's always been _there. _Yeah, he was dick throughout the majority of the time but that's changed. Or so I thought.

If anyone would've rescued me I'd think it would've been Damon. The way he protected me when it came to Kai and when he chose me over the ascendant showed me that he cared. But the fact that I'm still in this _fucking _prison world in my lonesome says otherwise. But one day when I was moping around in my Gram's house, I came across the spell that created the shithole of a prison world that I was in. My heart fluttered with disbelief as I found an energy source from one of my Gram's mystical relics which was a power source for my magic, and chanted the spell. I opened my eyes and saw that I was back at the crypt. It worked! I was overly excited and I nearly ran back to the boardinghouse to find Damon and give him a heart wrenching hug, but I stopped in my tracks. I remembered that he never came back for me. And it was in that particular moment that I realized that I wanted nothing to do with any of my old friends anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own anything.**

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It was midday in 2015 and it was fucking winter and I was freezing my ass off. Back in 1994 it was always hot and I'd forgotten about climate changes in the real world. I was headed in the direction of Whitmoore College; my stomach was knots as I walked through the front door. The heat in Whitmoore engulfed me and I sighed in relief as I started to regain feeling in my toes and fingers. I stalked in the direction of my dorm and was met with mahogany colored walls and Christmas lights. I knew for a fact that Christmas passed and it was a new year, so I guessed that Caroline and Elena were too lazy to take down the decorations. I was also met with a gasp as I recognized Caroline's squeaky voice.

"Bonnie? Bonnie is that you?" I was caught off guard as she held me in a bone crushing hug that made my heart melt. God, I missed her. She was so sweet with her pale skin and rosy cheeks. I took in her smell as she wrapped her frail arms around me; she smelled like honey and vanilla. The feeling of despair was diminishing as she held me in her arms, but it still didn't change anything. Besides feeling less depressed, I was still let down. And I knew that if I went back into my old routine, shit would go back to being the same as it was beforehand. Me being sacrificial and dying all over again. And I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let anybody see that I still cared and I didn't want to be the  
self-less witch anymore. I wanted to be selfish. I _had _to be selfish. I had to be a bitch.

"Caroline would you _please_ get the fuck off of me?" I said in a harsh tone. Caroline let go of me and when I was met with her tear-filled eyes and red cheeks I almost pulled her back. I almost cried myself, and I almost let that old Bonnie come out again. _**Almost. **_

"Bonnie, what's the matter?" she asked in between tears. "_Fuck_," I whispered under by breath. I looked her straight in the eye and answered in the most sarcastic, annoying voice that I could think of. "Well, besides the fact that I was trapped in a prison world with a psychopath who stabbed me, shot me with an arrow, and stole my blood to get out, I'd say I'm perfectly fine!" I shoved past Caroline with all my strength and continued with my bitch interior. "Plus! I stayed there by myself for more than two months waiting for you guys to save me, but nobody fucking came. So once again, Bonnie Bennett had to save the day." I laid flat on my bed and shut my eyes and breathed. It felt exhilarating to say that aloud instead of talking to myself in 1994. And that was another thing that nearly drove me mad in the prison world. The fucking _isolation. _God that shit was the worst.

"Bonnie I want you to know that Damon did everything in his power to bring you back," Caroline began. Was she _seriously_ defending him?

"Ha!" I interrupted. "Fuck Damon. He tried to bring me back but he failed. I sacrificed my life for him to bring him back. I even sent him Ms. Cuddles…." I stopped short. Damon still had my bear. My _magic _fueled bear. "Fuck!" I wailed as I got out of bed. "Where's Damon?" I questioned, trying to get my mind together as I thought about seeing the very asshole that let me down.

"Probably at Alaric's…why?" Caroline started as I left the dorm in a hurry.

I was met again with the cold atmosphere of present day, 2015. I was missing 1994 more and more each minute.

"Bonnie, wait!" Caroline wailed. "Where are you going?!" I turned around and met Caroline's concerned eye. Her face was a mixture of confusion, sadness and guilt. But I didn't care. At least I tried not to. There was a great ache in the pit of my belly that I tried to ignore to no avail, so I finally asked, "can you drive me to Ric's? Damon has something that belongs to me." Caroline didn't hesitate; "sure," she said as she pointed in the direction to her blue Prius and unlocked the door to the passenger seat. She started her car and Rihanna's song "Stay" started to play on the radio. Now there's something I missed about the 21st century. The music. Listening to 90's music 24/7 wasn't as bad as I thought, but I could never hate Rihanna's voice.

"_All along it was a fever. A cold sweat hot headed believer. I threw my hands in the air and said show me something. He said if you dare come a little closer,"_

I sang to the lyrics of the song and I almost forgot that I was in the car with Caroline.

"That's one of the things I missed about you, Bonnie. Your singing. You've always had a nice voice," she said in a timid voice. I gave her a sideways glance and mustered up a "thanks" before she pulled into Ric's driveway. "What floor is Ric's apartment in?" I asked. "Just follow me and I'll take you." I shrugged in nonchalance as we exited the car and headed to his apartment building. We entered the elevator in silence and got off on the third floor. Caroline took a single right and three doors down was Alaric's apartment door. 317. "Here it is," Caroline quipped. I gave her a quick nod and knocked on the door with a clenched fist. I heard footsteps ascending towards the door and my stomach started doing somersaults. My hands got clammy and my heart wrenched when I heard the door knob being turned, and I faced my old history teacher Alaric Saltzman. He was still attractive, and he looked like he's even gotten buffer. I scanned his whole stature. From his white socks and blue jeans to his black t-shirt and white pasty face. Now his face was highly readable; all I saw was guilt and astonishment; like he's seen a ghost. He didn't say a word so I gave him a smug look and said, "What's wrong Ric? Surprised to see me back from the dead?" Caroline snickered behind me and I gave her and irritated look. Who said it was okay for her to laugh? She immediately set her eyes to the ground and I regained eye contact with Ric again. He still stood there, dumbfounded so I pushed past him and entered into his place looking for Damon, or even Ms. Cuddles. I didn't find any of them.

"Ric, where's Damon?" Alaric quickly regained his composure. "He's with Elena, why?" I snickered, "Of course he is. Can you call him? Tell him to come over and say that it's important." I said in a monotone voice. "But oh! Don't tell him I'm back. I want it to be a surprise." Alaric began to walk to another room, until he asked, "No offense Bonnie, but how are you here? How are you back? Not that I'm not happy or anything –"

"Oh _please_," I interrupted. "Don't give me that bullshit speech. Just call Damon." Ric did what he was asked and stepped into another room. Caroline finally walked through the front door and stared at me with disbelief. "What now Caroline? You have something to say?"

"No, nothing," she said quickly. "I'll just wait here with you until Damon comes."

"Fine with me," I quipped. 

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**I know this a shitty way to end a chapter but there's more to come. Remember to review and let me know your thoughts. Until next time babies, xo. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! I just want to thank you for your reviews etc. and here is the third chapter. I hope you enjoy.  
**

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I heard Ric's muffled voice in the master bedroom. He sounded exasperated and had a reluctant tone. It was a long conversation too. There was a lot of back and forth going on, so I believed it to be an argument. Oh Damon; he was always the arguing type. Ric left his bedroom and started walking in my direction. "Damon said he'd be here in ten," He breathed. I gave him a strained smile. "Great," I replied. Ric took a seat across from me on his plush brown sofa and just stared at me. I refused to make eye contact with and tried to look in any other direction than his. As much as I tried, I eventually failed. I could literally feel his eyes on me; burning my skin. It made me cringe. My cheeks turned red in annoyance and I snapped my head at him and finally met his challenging eyes.

"Well Ric are you gonna say something or just fucking _stare?"_ He looked at me with a surprised expression and merely bowed his head down in intimidation.

"No, I'm sorry…I just can't believe you're back."

"Mm. With no help from you. Even though I kinda died for you. But you know, shit's not too important right?" I questioned in a sarcastic tone. Hey, maybe Ric didn't deserve that, all my _sassiness, _but I didn't care. He was annoying me with his condescending looks and I didn't have time for his small talk. We were never close, so I didn't understand his need to try and spark up a conversation with me.

Alaric looked at me with his mouth agape and merely stayed quiet. I looked in Caroline's direction and her eyes were as wide as saucers. She made eye contact with me and her blue eyes burned into my skin. "Damon's here," she said in a soft tone. I licked my lips and felt my heart skip a beat.

"Is he with anyone?" I asked, praying that he was alone so I wouldn't have to face Elena or Stefan or anyone in the Mystic Falls gang.

"Yeah," Caroline replied. She squinted her eyes and bit her lip as she was finally able to tune in the secondary voice who had arrived with Damon. "He's with Elena." I sighed. _Fuck, man_. Here comes another reunion. A knock on the door interrupted my train of thought.

"Open the door, Ric. What's so important?" The sound of his voice literally made my heart flop into my stomach. All the balls I once had shriveled into nothing and my throat suddenly became dry. My palms started to sweat and I knew if I were to open my mouth and try to speak to him, I would literally speak like a mouse. At the same time that Ric got up to open the door, I got up as well and went into his kitchen. My breathing increased as I heard the door knob turn and I quickly got a glass of water and chugged it down. It helped a little, but I had to give myself a mini pep talk. _You got this, Bonnie. Don't let it show that you care. Don't let him know that you care. _I regained some of my confidence and waltz out of his kitchen and made eye contact with a blue eyed vampire.

"Bonnie," he breathed out.

I stood frozen in place. _Fuck, Bonnie! Get it together. Don't just stand there like an idiot, __**say something!**_I licked my lips and opened my mouth, but soon enough I was crushed with a bear hug from the doppelganger. **Elena.**

"Oh my God, Bonnie! You're back! Oh my goodness! I'm so happy! I missed you," she said into my shoulder. I just stood there dumfounded and didn't know what to say or do. Was being in Damon's presence really throwing me off? I shut my eyes and cleared my throat loud enough for Elena to get the hint to get off of me. I stared into her doe brown eyes and gave her a fake smile.

"Enough with the theatrics." I said with a monotone voice. I pushed passed her and walked straight up to Damon, taking in his black pants, black shirt, and black leather jacket. "Hm. I liked how you dressed in 1994 better. You had way more color back then." He smirked at me and God, my heart fluttered.

"So, I need something," I began.

"And what is that?" He questioned.

"Cuddles. I need her back."

Damon gave me a funny expression. The type of expression that said, '_what you talkin' 'bout Willis?!' _He then crossed his arms and I knew I was going to get an earful from him and I didn't want to hear it. "Listen up _Salvatore, _I'm not in the mood right now, so can you _please _give me my bear back? I don't have all day."

He nodded his head in agreement and cast his eyes down in me. **"No."**

I looked at him in disbelief. "No? What do you mean 'no'?"

"No, as in N-O. You ain't getting shit back." I opened my mouth at him in astonishment. "You don't get to walk in here acting all big and bad and think shit is gonna go your way. Sorry Bennett, it doesn't work that way."

I crossed my arms and look up at his pale beautiful face. I wanted to smack that look off of his face. The look of smugness and righteousness. This cocky ass vampire made my blood boil and I just wanted to inflict so much pain onto him. But without my magic I was useless when it came to physical confrontation against a vampire. So I did the next best thing. I slapped him. I was filled with rage and disappointment. Rage because I was so tired of feeling like shit, and disappointment because he didn't come back for me. None of them did. And before I could even register what I was doing, my right hand was raised up and made contact with his cheek. He turned bright red and I knew he was angry. I knew I got a rise out of him. But before he could say anything, I walked around him and left Ric's apartment.

Tears threatened to escape my eyes as I stomped down the hallway and into the elevator. Fuck, why was I so emotional? Why is everything so fucked up for me? I pressed the button for 'lobby' on the elevator and the doors were closing, but not before Damon sped his way in right before the doors closed. I scoffed and looked in his direction. His blue christine eyes met mine and I almost melted.

"Bonnie are you gonna tell me what the hell is wrong with you?" His voice caught me off guard. He actually sounded like he cared.

"Damon don't act like you give a shit. Save it." My voice cracked and I knew I was about to cry, and I guess Damon knew it too because in that moment he wrapped his arms around me. This was the first time we ever hugged, but it felt so familiar. It felt like home. But I didn't want that. I didn't want to feel vulnerable around him and I didn't want his compassion. And the shittiest thing about it is that I felt the best I've ever felt in _months _just because of his touch. Sounds so pathetic, I know. God _I'm_ pathetic.

"Get the fuck off me," I said through clenched teeth.

"What?" He asked.

"I said, get_ off_ of me," I snapped. With all the strength I had I pushed against his cold chest to no avail. He didn't even flinch. Goddamn vampire.

"Why are you doing this, Bonnie? What crawled up your ass?"

"Damon what the _**hell?**_" I screamed. My heart was beating a hundred beats per second. My fists were so clenched that they were turning red. Damon looked so surprised. He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off before he could say one word. I was so _mad. _So much pent up anger from all these months just started to pour out of me. The feeling of despair and loneliness and crawled up through stomach and my feelings erupted straight out of my mouth.

"Can you just leave me _alone,_ Damon?! Jesus fucking Christ! You know what's wrong with me? I'm going to break in down for you. **You. Fucking. Left. Me.**" I said through gritted teeth. My voice started to crack but I didn't care. "You _left _me there in that hell hole. And you know what the most pathetic thing was? I really believed in you. I believed that you would find a way to bring me back. But I guess not. You're a horrible person, Damon. I fucking _hate _you. I hate you for almost killing me when Emily possessed me. I hate you for making me and my Grams do that shitty spell to open the tomb. That spell _killed_ her. I hate you for turning my mother into a vampire, and I hate that I believed in you." I looked straight into his eyes and he showed no emotion. He didn't even have a snarky comeback or anything. He was just quiet.

The elevator doors opened into the lobby and I walked out leaving the blue eyed vampire silent.

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**Angst angst angst. But tell me what you think in the reviews **** xo**


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own anything.**

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I woke up in my dorm room at Whitmore College. The scene in the elevator with Damon took a lot out of me. I've never felt so exhausted in my life.

I turned my head to the left and made eye contact with Caroline. "How long have you been awake?" I asked. She shrugged; "Long enough," she looked at me with the most defeated expression. I rolled my eyes and scoffed, "_what now?_" I asked her. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Caroline licked her lips and sighed, "Bonnie I wanna talk to you. I want you to talk to me." Her eyes showed desperation and concern, but I wasn't having it.

"It's too early for this shit Caroline," I started as I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. "Besides there's nothing to talk about."

"Of course there's something to talk about," she pressed. "You're just shutting me out. You're shutting _everybody _out." I rolled my eyes in despite of her mere ignorance. I started to brush my teeth and Caroline continued, "What happened between you and Damon after you left?" My tooth brush froze in mid brush and I spit out all of the content in my mouth and rinsed. I splashed some water onto my face and shrugged, "Nothing."

"Well it didn't _seem_ like nothing to me. Damon came back into Ric's apartment and he seemed pissed. When we asked about you he just mumbled something and left." I walked around while taking in what Caroline had just said. "Whatever," I replied. "It doesn't matter." In spite of our dispute I noticed something that was out of place.

"Hey where's Elena?" I asked.

Caroline sighed, "With Damon." I scoffed. _Of course she was with him. _"Of course she is. Like the selfish little bitch she is." Caroline gasped I astonishment. "What?" I inquired. "It's true. I just got back from the dead and instead of staying the night with me, "her best friend" she's with Damon."

Caroline looked at me with her eyes wide. I sighed, "Do you have any clothes that I can borrow? I need to shower." She nodded and rushed to her drawer and pulled out a mahogany colored sweater with skin tight jeans and black leg warmers. I took them out of her grasp and gave her a strained smile. "Thanks."  
She smiled back. "No problem." She began to turn away but continued on, "oh you know that the Mystic Falls magic free border is gone." I gave her a confused look. "How?" Caroline bit her lip and replied, "Kai sucked up all the magic. But don't worry, Jo has him all drugged up so he's harmless now."

I nodded. "Hm. But wait, who the hell is Jo?"

"Oh, she's his twin sister. Jo is planning on merging with him eventually but she has to get her magic together." I made a noise from the back of my throat. "Good to know that I'm not the resident witch anymore. There's another witch that can save the day and die saving the lives of people who really don't give a shit about her."

Caroline stood there stunned as I gave her a fake smile and headed to the bathroom.

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**Caroline's POV:**  
I walked out of my dorm completely dumbfounded and puzzled. What was going on with Bonnie? She's not the same person I remembered. She was cold and angry and it caught me off guard. _And when did she start to curse so much? _I strutted down the halls of Whitmore College and pulled out my phone and started to dial a familiar number.

"Hello?" the male voice answered.

"Damon where are you?" I questioned.

"Home, why?"

"I'm coming over." Before he could argue with me I hung up the phone and walked through the doors of Whitmore and to my car. I was going to find out what was wrong with my best friend. And who better to ask then the guy who was with her over the last couple of months?

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I pulled up to the boardinghouse and didn't bother to knock. I waltzed in and I was already met with hard blue eyes.

"Hello Barbie. What brings you to my neck of the woods?" Damon asked as her poured a cup of bourbon. Jesus, this man could drink!

"Damon, its 10 o'clock in the morning."

"And?" he questioned.

"You're drinking!" I walked up to him and snatched the bottle of bourbon out of his reach. "And besides, I need to talk to you about something and I'd rather you be sober." He gave me a hard look as he chucked up his eyebrows. "If this is about Stefan I'd rather _not _be sober."

I rolled my eyes and clucked my tongue. "This isn't about Stefan, _Damon,"_ I said with a hard voice. "It's about Bonnie." His face immediately softened and he pouted his lips. "What about her?"

"_Well,"_ I turned around and walked to his sofa while motioning him over. "Something's different about her. She's not the same person she was a couple of months ago."

"Well, I'll state the obvious," he cleared his throat, "she died, Caroline. For the second time. And I don't know about you, but if I died again I'd be pretty bummed too." I gave him a hard look. "Well you died with her. And you're not different."

He sighed and got off of the sofa and swayed his hips into the kitchen. "She's hurt, Caroline. Are you really that simple minded that you couldn't have figured that out on your own?"

I sucked in a breath, wordlessly caught off guard by what Damon had said. "I-I know she's u-upset," I stammered.

"Yeah, so why are here? Why aren't you with her?" he questioned, and didn't try to hide the annoyance that struck his voice.

"Because she won't talk to me! She's shutting me out and I don't know what to do about it." I sighed and followed Damon to his current stand point. "I came here because you're the one who spent months with her alone and unfortunately you're the only one that can understand her right now." I started at Damon with a determined look in my eyes and didn't back down. He _had _to be of help. I closed my eyes and reopened them. "Just give me some insight. Please. I don't want to lose her," I pleaded.

After a good minute Damon sighed and gave in. "Fine I'll talk to her. Maybe knock some sense into her." I breathed out in a sigh of relief. _Not exactly what I was hoping for, but I'll take it._

"Thank you Damon." He nodded in gratitude and I silently left the boarding house and climbed into my car. _Damon is going to help out with Bonnie, and hopefully everything will get better. _I gave myself a mini pep talk as I drove off.

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**Bonnie's POV:**  
"Bonnie?" I froze in the shower as I head the loud booming voice that was Damon Salvatore. "_Fuck,"_ I mumbled under my breath. _What was he doing here?_

"I'm in the shower," I replied back. Fucking _worst scenario. _

"Oooh," Damon chimed. I swear I could hear the smirk in his voice. "Mind if I join?" A small smile managed to whisper across my lips as I turned the shower head off. "No you perv. I'll be out soon." I dried myself vigorously and moisturized. Caroline's clothes managed to fit me well and I combed my curls out and blow dried my hair. I stepped out of the bathroom bare faced and saw Damon casually lying down on my bed. His arms were behind his head and his ankles were crossed. This man was seriously bold.

I cleared my throat. Damon made eye contact with me and I raised my eyebrows at him. "What do you want, Damon?" He scooted over on my bed and pat down on an empty space next to him. "Come here," he said in a light voice. I rolled my eyes. "No," I spat. "I don't want to be next to you."

"If you don't bring your ass here right now, I'll make you." _Who the hell did he think he was?_

"Damon I-," "No Bonnie," he interrupted. "Don't test me. Come. Here." His eyes were oddly playful and demanding at the same time. God I wish I had my magic. I would just throw his ass out of here of give him an aneurysm until he finally obliged. But nope, I was powerless. And as much as I wanted to be stubborn and argue with him, I decided to keep my mouth shut. I crossed my arms and stomped my way to my occupied bed with the blue eyed vampire.

I sat down hard on my ass and sighed. "Okay. So what do you want?" Damon smiled lazily and said two words: "Lie down." I sucked my teeth and obeyed. He turned to his side to face me with his elbow propped up on the pillow. I laid on my back and refused to make eye contact with him. I didn't speak and neither did he. _What the hell was this?! _I felt his stare burning through my skin. I all of a sudden felt hot, and not in a good way.

My skin was burning and my heart was pounding. I finally broke the silence with my squeaky voice. "What the hell, Damon? Is this the staring game?"

He chuckled, "Oh Bonnie, I missed you." My cheeks reddened by his confession. That was the last thing I expected him to say. I cleared my throat, "obviously you didn't miss me so much when you didn't find a way to bring me back."

I began to get out of bed until a cold hand stopped my actions. I turned my head to see Damon's cold eyes and hard stare. It was amazing how he could switch his emotions so quick.

I tried to pull out of his grasp to no avail. "Get the fuck off of me Damon," I said through gritted teeth. His grip tightened on my wrist that it started to hurt. Damon threw his hands up in exasperation and finally let me go. I began to get out of bed but Damon vamp sped in front of me. I knew if I were to speak I would stutter and my voice would get caught in my throat, so instead I kept quiet and took him in. He was wearing all black (of course) with is infamous leather jacket and gray suede boots. Hm. The boots were a nice touch.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" His voice made me jump a little because I was surprised by the level of intensity behind it. I met his eyes and all I saw was fire. _Shit, I was ready for an argument. If he wanted some, he could get some. _

I scoffed, "how many times are you going to ask that question? It isn't rocket science to figure out what's wrong with me." There wasn't any type of leeway against Damon's broad body, so I knew there wasn't any point in trying to get away from him. So I simply stayed put and crossed my arms over my chest. I kept eye contact with him refusing to back down.

He bit his lower lip in discouragement and tensed his jaw. I could tell that he was pissed. "Bonnie, I tried to get you back! I did everything in my power to try and get you home." I laughed. _Was he fucking kidding me? _"Damon obviously you didn't do shit, seeing that I came home on my own. What about after the first screwed up attempt to get me home? What happened after that? Damon stood still and didn't answer. I nodded my head in annoyance. "Exactly," I said.

"Well you're here now, so can we just get past this? I hate when you're mad at me." He almost sounded as if he was pleading. Was he really that desperate for my forgiveness?

"You know, I really don't give a shit about how you feel. I don't want to speak to you and I don't want to forgive you."

"Bonnie, why you holding grudges?" I gave him a tense look. "Says the hundred seventy year old vampire who held a grudge over his brother for _decades." _He put his hands on his hips, "well you got me there. Regardless of that I'm not going to leave you alone. I'm gonna stay on your ass until you forgive me and I don't care about what anybody says."

I rolled my eyes. "What about Elena? Won't she get mad that your head isn't up her ass as much?"

"Low blow."

I shrugged. "Well won't she?"

"If she does, she's just have to deal with it. You're going to be my number one priority now, and there's nothing you can do about it."

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**A/N: So what did you guys think? I wanted to different POV's throughout the story so tell me your opinion on my Caroline POV. Did you guys like it? And what about Damon's proposal to Bonnie? Do you think he'll stick with it? Tell me your thoughts! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW AND THANKS FOR READING!**


	5. Chapter 5

_"What the fuck is this?"_ I seethed. I was at the boardinghouse and I was met with my old "friends." Elena, Caroline, Stefan, Tyler, Matt, Jeremy and Damon. _Damon. Damon. Damon_. I made eye contact with him and I swear if I had my powers I would set him on fire.

All of my old friends just stared at me. No one made a sound. Externally, I was pissed. I shot daggers at all of them, even my beloved ex, Jeremy. His mouth was agape, but not a fucking peep came out.

I felt like ripping my hair out. God I was so mad. I bit my lip so hard that it started to bleed. The copper taste of the red liquid spotted on my bottom lip and I ran my tongue against it. I breathed out and turned around and left. Internally I was dying to curse every single one of them out, but I didn't. I simply turned around and left.

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_9 Hours Earlier_

I stared at Damon as he finished his proposal. "You're going to be my number one priority now, and there's nothing you can do about it." He looked smug and I wanted to take my hand and literally wipe that look off his face. But I refrained. Instead I nodded my head in agreement. I didn't believe him of course, but I didn't feel like engaging in another argument either.

"Sure," I said. Damon finally backed away from me and I managed to get up to my full height. Without looking at him, I walked around him and made my way to the door.

"You mind leaving now?" I asked. "And you can take your false promises with you as you go." Damon walked towards me and smirked. "You don't believe me?" He questioned. "Well, it's kinda hard to believe anything you say." He nodded to my words but I knew he wasn't happy with what I said.

"Would you believe me if I gave you back a certain magic fueled bear?" My eyes immediately perked up.

"Cuddles," I whispered.

"Yup," Damon replied while adding emphasis to the 'p'. "Come over tonight, and I'll give her to you. I promise. Scout's honor," he said while putting a hand over his heart. I licked my lips and sighed.

"Okay fine. But can we not make this a big deal? I don't want a get together or anything with the others. I just want Cuddles."

"You got it," Damon agreed. "But if I'm good can we spend some time together? Maybe watch The Bodyguard?"

My heart raced in my chest from hearing his proposition. "I'll think about it. What time can I come over?"

"Any time around 7 ish. See you there, witchy." He clicked his tongue and let himself out of my room. Dare I might say it, but I was actually kind of happy. But that happiness had nothing to do with Damon. _Fuck, who am I kidding?_ It had a **little** to do with Damon, but I was giddy about getting Cuddles back. More importantly, I was happy about getting my magic back. To get that warm feeling that flowed through my veins was like a high that I hadn't felt in so long. I yearned for it. God, I was so anxious now. To kill time I decided that I would pay my old house in Mystic Falls a visit. So I grabbed one of Caroline's coats and Elena's scarves and went home.

* * *

It was weird coming back home. I mean I went home back in 1994 but the atmosphere around it was different. In 1994 my Grams and father were still alive, there was that, but walking in my old home was odd. I didn't know what or why but something didn't feel right. I brushed off my uncertainty and continued my observation. My house still looked clean. I put my finger tips against the coffee table. It wasn't dusty at all; it was oddly sleek.

I walked upstairs to my bedroom and sighed. I took in my purple bed room walls, and my big plush bed. Everything looked the same. Without caution, I walked up to my old bed and laid my back against it. I was devoured with the softness of my bed and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.

I woke up unaware of my surroundings. It was dark outside and I was confused. I turned my head and was met with a picture of my dad and I and I remembered that I was at home. I lifted my body up and stifled out a yawn. How long have I been asleep? I caught sight of my table clock. It was 7:15. _Had I really slept for more than 6 hours?_ "Damn," I muttered under my breath. I immediately remembered that I was supposed to meet Damon at this time so I hauled my ass up and went to the bathroom. In my reflection my hair was all frizzed up and there was dried drool on my lower lip. _Ugh_. I washed my face and vigorously combed my hair down. I applied dark purple lipstick on my lips, followed by mascara, winged liquid eyeliner, and regular eyeliner. My green orbs popped and I admired my features._ Shit, why hadn't I wore purple lipstick sooner? I looked bad ass._ Satisfied with my appearance, I took off.

It was kind of surreal walking in Mystic Falls at night. Especially the fact that it was full of people. I had to get used to it. Surprisingly the duration of the time it took from my house to the boardinghouse wasn't long at all. And I didn't mind, regardless I was used to the quietness. It was kinda eerie, but to no regard. I finally met the steps of the boardinghouse and contemplated on whether I should knock or not. I chose the latter, and held the steel doorknob in my hand, and turned. The chatter and laughter inside quickly distinguished as soon as my presence was known.

My heart beat so loudly that I swear I could hear it through my ears. I made eye contact with Damon and his face gave off no emotion. Why did I even listened to him? What the fuck Bonnie? I was fuming inside and my feet all of a sudden had a mind of their own and they unconsciously started to move out of the boardinghouse and made contact with the concrete sidewalk outside.

I was completely out of it. It was like I was there physically, but not mentally. Was I that mad or was I overreacting_?__** No, I wasn't**_**.** I specifically asked Damon not to invite anyone and he did. Just the fact that he went against my wishes infuriates me. _Why couldn't he just listen for once?_

"Bonnie." His voice snapped me out of my trance and I consciously turned around and looked at him. I gave him a blank stare.

"So who's bright idea was this? To throw a 'welcome back from the dead' shindig? Huh, Damon?"

He licked his bottom lip. "Caroline," he admitted. "You know how she is. She got word of you coming over and the rest was history. She thought she was doing something right."

I bit my lip and ran a tongue against my swollen lip that I bit so hard under. I scoffed while trying to keep my cool. "Y'know, I don't give a shit if Caroline that she was doing something "right." Fuck that. Caroline fucking Forbes. She always thinks that partying and drinking can solve everything." I ran a hand through my hair and shook my head. "I'm leaving."

"You can leave, but don't forget Ms. Cuddles."

I stopped dead in my tracks. "Cuddles?" I questioned in a timid voice. I looked up at Damon and he pulled out my stuffed bear from behind his back. "A promise is a promise," he declared as he handed her over to me. I smiled happily and hugged her in my arms tightly and squealed. "I missed you so much, Cuddles!" I proclaimed. _"And my magic,"_ I said subconsciously. I could literally feel the magic pouring out of her. I said an incantation as I held her in my arms while the wind picked up around us. I felt my magic making contact with my body. I felt it up my veins, and God that feeling was enticing. It was like a high. Me and magic were in harmony and I felt whole again. The harsh winds ceased as I finished retrieving my magic.

I opened my eyes and everything felt heightened. I didn't know how, or why, but I felt like a vampire. My senses were imploding and so was my inner anger. I guess my emotions were heightened too, because as soon as I looked at the vampire across from me all I could think about was killing him. Not so much permanently, but a good aneurysm would do some justice. And besides my inner feelings of rage, something in my magic was encouraging me to do so. It felt like a devil was on my shoulder whispering "do it, _do it_."

I licked my lips and innocently looked up at Damon. I could sense the fire in my eyes and gave him a smirk. "Let's go back inside." He shrugged and merely agreed. "Sure." As the boardinghouse door opened I was met with silence once again. I smiled at my "friends." Cuddles was dangling in my hand as I took long strides in to the kitchen and poured myself a drink. The quietness was getting on my nerves.

"What's wrong with you guys? Can't talk anymore?" I questioned loudly. No one said a word.

"Well I have something to say." I walked to the middle of the room and with my magic I flicked a chair to my side and sat down. I crossed my legs and took a sip of my drink. I cleared my throat. "You guys," I started and looked everyone in the room. "Except for Matt of course, can all go and fuck yourselves." And with that I snapped every vampire's neck that was in the room. By merely thinking of the action, it happened. No hand gestures and no second thoughts about it. The floor was met with four bodies while I chuckled sinisterly. A chorus of gasps filled the room as I saw Jeremy run to Elena's limp body.

"Don't worry. They're not dead, dead. I just snapped their necks."

"What the hell, Bonnie?" Jeremy shouted.

It was weird hearing his voice. I knew that I still cared about him and I tried hard to ignore that pang in my heart when he spoke.

I uncrossed my legs and walked over to the limp bodies of my old friends. I took a long look at Damon's and sucked my teeth. I shook my head and walked towards the door. "Bye Matt! I missed you the most, actually." I blew a kiss at hi, and made my leave. I felt kinda sadistic about my actions but it felt good too. I've never snapped a vampire's neck before, let alone four at a time, so I felt ecstatic. My magic was agreeing with me and I felt a rush that I've never felt before.

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**A/N: Review; I don't own anything.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you guys for the reviews on the last chapter, they mean a lot. Well, here's the 6****th**** chapter. I hope you enjoy.**

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I woke up to yelling. I was at home sleeping like a baby. I haven't slept so well in a while and I was rudely interrupted by the obnoxious voices outside my house. Thank God I put up a magical barrier around my house last night so no supernatural being could come in. I knew that with the stunt I pulled last night I was going to hear an earful from the others, so I had to think on my toes. _Two pats on the back for you, Bonnie!_

I tried to block out their voices. I really did, but to no avail. I climbed out of bed and walked down the steps and waltz to the front door. I opened the door and plastered on a fake smile on my face.

"How may I help you wonderful vampires this early morning?" I took in their expressions. I wore baggy pajama pants that hung low on my hips and a black sports bra. It was hella cold outside, but inside my humble abode it was like a sauna.

Caroline looked incredulous; as if she was so surprised to see me being so bold. I mean I can't blame her, the old me would've never done this _especially_ in front of the Salvatore brothers. But the _new _me who died for the hundredth time and just got her magic back didn't care.

Caroline cleared her throat and looked down. I then made eye contact with Elena for a split second. Her face was unreadable, but her eyes were wide open. And I nearly burst out laughing looking at Stefan. His eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his sockets.

I bit my lip and let the scrutiny continue until Damon spoke up.

"Not that I don't enjoy the show you're putting on right now Judgey, and please do come out with less clothes more often, but do you mind telling us what the _hell _happened last night?"

I flicked my eyes to him and looked at him innocently. "What do you mean?"

"Why did you snap our necks last night Bonnie?" Elena intervened. Her cheeks were flushed with frustration and her nose was bright red due to the cold. "And most importantly," she continued. "How? You didn't say anything for a second, and the next thing I knew my neck was twisted."

"Well, Elena. Let's just say that after Damon gave me my magic back something inside of me just _snapped_," I said while curling my lip.

"But we didn't _do _anything to you. I just thought that a nice get together would…lighten things up a bit," Caroline stated.

I really wanted to laugh at Care's mere ignorance. "Just stop, Caroline. I literally just came back from the dead and the last thing on my mind is a "get together" with people I don't give a shit about anymore." I sighed and continued, "Look guys just give me some space okay?" I said with a firm voice. "Stop trying to push me back to things. Stop trying to pretend like everything is okay when it's not. It'll never be okay. So just give me my space, and I'll talk to you when I'm ready."

I started to close the door but Damon's voice stopped me. "No."

I gave him a confused look. "What do you mean _'no'?_"

"I know you're lying Bonnie. Who are you trying to kid?"

I cursed inside my mind. My heart wasn't racing, I made sure of that. So how did he know?

I scoffed and shut my eyes. "Well they sure fell for it."

"So he was right?" Elena questioned. "You were really just going to cut us out of your life?" I sighed and looked at my ex BFF with pity. Was she really that naïve or just extra close minded?

"To be honest Elena, you're like a _beacon_ for trouble. And your Salvatore issues are fucking exhausting. Now Caroline, you were there for me _way _more than Elena could've ever been, but your boy problems are annoying as hell too. Stefan your brooding and constant internal struggle of trying to figure out why Elena picked Damon over you are relatable, and till this day I still don't understand why because I would've chosen you in a heartbeat." I smirked at him and winked in his direction. Elena gasped and Caroline had a frigid face but I merely ignored them and looked at Damon. I sucked my teeth and gave him the once over. He was wearing dark blue jeans instead of black today. His hair was tamed and he still looked gorgeous as ever.

I chuckled. "Look who's not wearing all black today!" I clapped my hands and feigned gratitude. He gave me a fake smile. "Ha, ha. Very funny," he said in a monotone voice.

"And you Damon. Honestly, I actually grew to like you in 1994. I mean who would've thought? Me and you? But now," I said while looking him straight in the eye. "You're just the same pathetic, _insecure_ vampire who thrived off seeing people get hurt and who is obsessed with Elena."

His face was stone cold and his eyes were even colder. He took one step towards me and he was immediately overpowering my space. He raised his upper lip at me and growled. "You know what Bennett? I see right through that little façade you have going on. You try to be big and bad, but let's face it. You're _not._ So stop acting like a little brat and **get. Over. It.** I get that you're upset, and hurt and whatever but what's your endgame here? Attention? Because you're sure as shit ain't getting any."

I ran my tongue against my bottom lip and sucked in a breath of air. _I wanted to kill him. God, I wanted to kill him. _

He tensed his jaw so hard that I swore I heard a crack. Was it pussy for me to actually admit that he kind of scared me? Regardless of knowing Damon for years, he could still be very intimidating. I mean I've took on a thousand year old vampires, and immortal witch that has been entombed for what, _two thousand years_? I've died more than once and it's odd that this vampire kind of shook me. His voice was so hard and it engraved my skin like steel.

I gulped and opened my mouth to speak but decided against it. Damon smiled. "Nice to know that you have nothing to say. Well, I'll see you around Bon Bon." He winked at me as I said through gritted teeth, "I fucking hate you." He smirked. "I know." And in a blink of an eye he was gone. In my embarrassment I took it upon myself to shut my door leaving the three remaining three vampires outside. It took everything in my power to not set something on fire.

Why had I let Damon get to me? Why did I just stand there like an idiot and took shit from him?

God I felt so ridiculous. _Why did Damon even have power over me?_

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**I don't own anything. Please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Well, here's the latest. I hope you enjoy; I don't own anything.**

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A knock on the door stopped my actions. I was in the middle of getting back in touch with my magic _although let's face it, I'm as good as good can get. _I practiced levitation, disappearing spells, all the basics. Then I started to do all the hardcore stuff. Like teleportation and manipulation spells. The teleportation spells took a lot out of me as I nearly passed out and blood started oozing out of my nose. Ah, the infamous nose bleeds; one of the cons of being a witch. _We push too hard, the magic pushes back 10x harder._ I was just about to begin practicing and perfecting my magic again until the sound of knocking stopped me.

I gritted my teeth as I uncrossed my legs and made my way to the door. A pair of blue eyes and blonde hair met my vision and a wide smile escaped my lips. "Hi Matt," I squealed as I wrapped my arms around his neck and welcomed him in for a hug. My smile quickly disappeared as I met a pair of doe brown eyes.

"Jeremy." I whispered. I let Matt go after our embrace. "Come on in guys," I squeaked.

"That's the thing Bon, Jeremy can't even get near your doorstep."

I gave him a confused look and I was about to open my mouth to respond in question, but completely remembered what I previously did to my house. "Ohhhh," I began. "I put a barrier over my house so supernatural creatures won't be able to come in. The fact that Jeremy's a vampire hunter was what was preventing him from coming inside." "That makes more sense." Jeremy intercepted. My heart nearly collided in my throat. Hearing his voice was so foreign to me. A rush of emotions flooded my insides. Mostly anger. And that anger erupted inside of me.

"You know what," I snapped. "I don't want you inside my house."

"Bon come on, we need to talk."

"Oh we can talk." I agreed. "But not inside. _Matt _can come in, but not _you._"

"You do realize you sound completely ridiculous right?" I scoffed and rolled my eyes. I knew I was being petty and immature but I didn't care. I shrugged, "take it or leave it, Jer." He nodded in agreement. "Fine. We'll do it your way. Matt do you mind?" Matt quickly nodded and made his way into my house and closed the door behind him. I sat down on my doorstep allowing my feet to make contact with the cold concrete. I met Jeremy's eyes. He looked flushed and his white cheeks were red, but that didn't put a damper on his looks. He was still cute, if not even better looking then I remembered. His chest and shoulders were broad and it looked like he had gotten buffer. I wanted to run my hands over his chest just to get a feel of what he was working with but I refrained.

"You wanted to talk, so let's talk." Jeremy took a deep breath and started. "Bonnie, I don't think you know how much I missed you. I felt numb every day. It was like half of me was ripped away. When you were gone I even called your phone everyday just to hear your voice on voicemail. I left hundreds of messages. I didn't even get a proper goodbye."

When Jeremy said that I immediately looked down. I could admit that I fucked up on that part. Calling him during my final moments of living and lying to him about me being okay was wrong.

I looked straight to the ground and ran a hand through my hair while my eyes were pooling with tears. "I'm s-sorry," I whimpered. I met his eyes again and I took in his features. His eyes were moist like mine and all I wanted to do was touch him. Just to feel his smooth skin. I got up from my doorstep and crossed the barrier that surrounded my house. I licked my lips and continued to walk towards Jeremy until we were toe-to-toe. I took his hand which was surprisingly warm and looked into his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jer." My voice cracked and my throat felt dry. "I know I fucked up back then. I was wrong for lying to you. But you have to understand that a lot of things have changed. I'm not the same girl who you feel in love with." His breath became hitched as he began to speak again. "I get that Bonnie, I do. It's only so much shit you can take before you fully change. And that's why I need to tell you something. And I know that after I tell you this you'll probably hate me."

My heart skipped a beat as I took in Jeremy's facial features. He looked _terrified. _"What is it Jeremy?" I questioned. He sighed and cleared his throat. "When you were gone…I slept with someone else."

My heart dropped and I immediately let go of his hand. "You _what?_" I asked as a tear dripped down my face. "Bonnie, I'm so sorry." Jeremy tried to regain contact with me but I flinched away from his touch. "Who was it?" I asked through gritted teeth. He ceased to make eye contact with me. "It was more than one girl. To be honest I don't even know how many girls there was to begin with."

I slapped him. I couldn't use magic on him because I knew I'd kill him. I knew I would. So I did the next plausible thing. All I felt was rage. God that slap was so hard it sounded like thunder. He took the slap and didn't even _fucking flinch. _I felt my insides burning. "So me dying is what? _A get out of jail card for you to fuck around?!_" I yelled.

"No Bonnie it wasn't like that! I was hurt-"

"Fuck your man pain Jeremy!" I yelped. "I died, Jer, and you didn't see me fucking Damon in 1994! _Or Kai for that matter!_ I lived in isolation for _months_, while you were here fucking everything that walks! What the hell is wrong with you Jeremy?" He stayed quiet and took in my words. "What happened with Elena then? Did she turn off her humanity, go on a killing spree-"

"Erase her memories of Damon."

I stopped cold in my tracks. "She _what?"_

"The pain was so bad for Elena that she asked Alaric to compel away her love for Damon."

My eyes literally felt like they were going to pop out of my sockets. "How could she do that to him? How could she just erase all her memories of Damon? Who the fuck does that?" A confused look washed over Jeremy's face. "You don't get it Bonnie. Elena was reckless and dangerous. It was the right thing to do."

"What? Are you fucking kidding me?" I yelped. "Damon literally pined over this girl for years. And he finally got her. Then he died, and I sent him home and does he come back to? The love of his life who doesn't even remember their relationship." Jeremy scoffed. "I can't believe you're taking his side! I though you two hated each other!" "Well believe it or not, me and Damon actually became friends in the prison world. And I know Damon. He would've never done that to Elena." He set his eyes back to the ground and didn't speak.

I walked back to my door. "You should go, Jeremy." And without another word I opened my door and turned my back on him. 

"Matt did you know about Jeremy's man pain?" I asked as I came back into the house. Matt's eyes met mine. "Man pain?" `

"Y'know," I started. "Him fucking around on me while I was dead in the act of "grieving.""

He scoffed. "Yeah Bon, I knew. He was a total wreck over you-"

"Matt, please." I intercepted. "If you're just gonna plead his sob story about how much he was hurting while I was gone, then you can leave as well." Matt put his hands up in surrender. "Bon, you got it. Besides I didn't come here for Jeremy. I came here for you." A soft smile escaped my lips as I walked towards Matt. "Thanks," I said as I hopped onto a seat next to him. "No problem." He said as he wrapped his arm around me. I quickly accepted his embrace and put my arm over his stomach. I closed my eyes and breathed.

"Thanks for being there." I said softly.

"What do you mean?"

"You're the only one that hasn't bombarded me with questions since I came back or who hasn't looked at me like I'm crazy."

"I don't know Bon, that night at the Salvatore house was kinda crazy. I almost shit my pants." He said jokingly.

I giggled. "Shut up. But really. Thanks. It's better than a party at all expenses. I could sit here with you all day and I'd be just fine."

"Aw Bonnie," he began as he started playing in my hair. "You make me feel special." I didn't reply as I took in the silence. It wasn't nerve racking or forced. It just felt nice. "I'm sorry about you and Jeremy. You didn't deserve that." I smiled and nodded against his stomach. "Thanks." And the silence over took all as I fell asleep.

* * *

I woke up in Matt's arms. I looked up to see if he was awake or not and it turned out to be the latter. I swear the best thing in the world has to be watching someone sleep. Just to take in their features when they're the most vulnerable. And looking up at Matt was so adorable. He looked so relaxed and calm. I didn't want to get up because I knew that I'd wake him but I had to pee.

With the lightest adjustments to his body, I squeezed my way out of his embrace, and I tiptoed to my bathroom. I did my business and washed my hands, and as I made my way back to the living room I noticed Matt was up. I pouted. "Ugh I didn't mean to wake you Matty." I said as I plopped down on the couch next to him. He threw me a quick smile. "Its fine Bon, besides my shift at the Grille starts in an hour." "Oh. Well then, I'll walk you." I ran into my room and threw on some skin tight black jeans, a black turtle neck, black Timberlands, and a black leather jacket. I tied my hair into a tight ponytail and applied dark eyeliner on. As I walked out of my bedroom I was met with a catcall.

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up Matt." "I can't help it Bon, you look hot in all black." "Whatever." I smiled and put his arm around me. "Come on Blue Eyes, let's go. The Grille is like a block away so you'll be there in no time."

As we walked outside I took in the fresh air. I had been indoors all day and the sun was blinding me. Even though it was winter, it felt abnormally cool.

"So," I started. "How are things going for you?"

"Well I'm dealing with a whole bunch of crap right now. Especially in the supernatural aspect."

I sucked my teeth as I put an arm around his back. With Matt's arm around my shoulders and my dainty arm around his back, we looked like a couple. "What happened now?"

"Well for instance, Enzo is a total dick. As a way to get back at Stefan he's using me as a plot device to ruin his niece's life."

"What niece?" I asked absentmindedly.

"Sarah Salvatore."

I stopped dead in my tracks. Seeing that Matt and I were intertwined he stopped as well. "What's up Bon?" I shook my head and nodded in the upper direction to signal that we should keep walking.

I cleared my throat. "I thought Sarah Salvatore was dead. I-I thought she died."

"No. Sarah survived birth and Stefan put her in foster care and made sure that she was adopted into a decent family. 20 years later, Enzo finds out about her and he's hell bent on ruining her life to get back at Stefan."

"What the hell is wrong with him? Why is holding a grudge against Stefan?"

"Because," Matt continued, "when you and Damon died Stefan was trying to find a way to bring you two back. He never found one, so he gave up and tried to move on. Of _course_ Enzo didn't approve of that so he's now trying to ruin Stefan's life and wants me to help him."

"Wow," I breathed. "So Enzo wants to make Stefan's life miserable by making _Sarah's life miserable?_"

"Pretty much." Matt said. "I guess it's his twisted way of standing up for Damon." I scoffed, _"how?"_

"Because Damon thought Sarah died. And Stefan kept that secret because he wanted Sarah to have a normal life, and the only way that Sarah could have that was if she didn't know anything about Stefan and Damon and about the supernatural."

"Wait. So Enzo thinks that by making Sarah's life a living hell he's looking out for Damon? And in this whole fucked up equation, _Stefan's supposedly the asshole?_"

"Yup."

"Wow. Some fucking twisted logic."

"Bon, let's talk about this later." I gave him a face. "Wait, what? Why?" "We're here," Matt stated. I looked up and took in my surroundings. The big "Mystic Falls Grille" caught my eye and I shook my head. _How could I have been so oblivious?_

"You wanna come in for a drink?" "Sure." I pranced my way through the doors of the Grille and I was immediately met with lots of chatter and noise. The restaurant was packed and I noticed a lot of faces that I didn't recognize. Mystic Falls was a small town and everybody knew everybody. But so far I saw a lot of unrecognizable faces. "Matt, when did all these new people move in?" I asked. "Right after the magic free border went up," he concluded. _"Well shit."_ Matt chuckled in response and unwrapped his arm around me.

"I'm gonna head out to the back and get ready for work. You just sit down at the bar and I'll pour you up a drink after I clock in." I nodded and waltzed my way to the bar taking in the new appliances that were added to the Grille.

"Hello Bonnie, funny seeing you here." My body immediately stilled as I took in the voice who said my name. I turned around and met the eyes of the open person who I despised the most.

"_Kai," _I seethed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the late update guys. Here's the latest. Don't forget to review and give me your thoughts!**

I took in his brown eyes, chiseled jaw, and perfectly straight teeth. I opened my mouth to ask him what the hell he wanted, but in came the Mystic Falls Gang. Caroline, Elena, Damon and Jeremy stood in front of Kai and I and I wondered to myself, 'how did they even get here? Were they here the whole time and I didn't notice? "Wha-when did you guys get here?" I questioned.

"We were here the whole time Bon, but I guess you didn't notice while you were making goo goo eyes at Donavan." Damon replied. I scoffed, "what the hell do you guys want?"

"Oooh, I'm sensing some tension. Did you guys have a falling out?" Kai said in a sarcastic tone. "Shut it, Kai." Damon started. "Come on Bon, let's go." I gave him an incredulous look. Who the hell did he think he was talking to? "I'm not going anywhere with you." I flicked my eyes at Kai and looked right at Jeremy. God I just wanted to crack his jaw. Just one good hit and I'd be good. Damon noticed my harsh glare at Jeremy and intervened. "Lovers quarrel?" I broke eye contact with Jeremy and looked in Damon's direction. "Yeah, I guess you can say that. And Jer can tell you all about it when you guys leave."

"Ohhh, so that explains the black clothing and attitude. You should wear all black more often. It suits you." Kai implied. He winked at me and I swear I felt Jeremy throwing eye daggers in my direction. I clicked my tongue and turned to face my old friends. "Are you guys going to leave or what?" "So you're telling me that you'd rather be with Kai, a sociopath, than us?" Elena intervened. "The damsel in distress speaks," Kai replied. I snickered. "Damon gave you permission to speak or-" "Kai," Damon said with an intense voice. He put his hands up in surrender. "Look," he started. "I mean our precious Bon Bon no harm. I just want to speak with her."

"And my precious Bon Bon doesn't want to speak with you. Bonnie," Damon said through gritted teeth. "Let's go."

"Damon, you of all people should know that I don't take orders from anybody. Especially you. I will talk to Kai if I want to." I said with finality in my voice.

"Fine." Damon sighed. "But I'm staying right here while you two talk." I shrugged, "fine with me."

I turned my head in Kai's direction and gave him a tight lipped smile in which he returned. "So I'm guessing you have magic again because I can literally sense the magic oozing out of you," I began. "Spell the restaurant."

"Wait, what?" Jeremy questioned.

"10 steps ahead of you Bonnie," Kai said. And with a small chant of Latin, the restaurant noise simmered down until it was non existent. I smirked in Elena, Jeremy, Caroline and Damon's direction and finally gave Kai my full attention.

"So let's start off with the basics. How did you get your magic back?" I questioned. Kai leaned forward in his stool and began, "funny story actually. Well for starters, I merged. But I merged with the wrong twin." I gave him a confused look. "As you may know, beforehand Jo, my twin, drugged me so I was unable to use magic. But Luke, the ever kind hearted soul he was set me free. He knew that no matter how long Jo practiced her magic I'd always win. And Luke didn't want to merge with his twin Liv because he knew that he'd kill her because he's stringer than her and-"

"Wait, wait, wait. So lemme get this straight. Jo held you captive so she could boost her magic up, or whatever but Luke intervened..so what, he merged with you? And you won?"

"Pretty and smart." Kai complimented. I ignored his response. "But where did you get the magic from? For the merge?" "Turns out I still had some magic left in me from that huge traveller's spell."

"Wow," I breathed. "So Luke is dead because of you."

"What can I say Bonnie? It was his own funeral." I nodded. "Okay. So what do you want with me?" "Wait, you're not gonna give me the run down on what I did? How it was wrong?" He questioned. I rolled my eyes and gave him a defeated look. "It sure as shit was wrong and Luke didn't deserve to die, but what do you care?" "That's the thing, Bonnie. I actually do care." I gave him an incredulous look. "You see, when Luke and I merged I guess some of his emotions squeezed inside my cold heart and now I feel things. Like empathy and guilt. And I feel guilty about stabbing you and leaving you alone…there in the prison world."

My eyes bulged out through my sockets. Was this guy serious? "So what you're saying is that Luke's emotions are somehow your emotions?" Kai tilted his head and but his lip. "Something like that." "But Luke and I were never even close," I started. "I honestly didn't even consider him a friend." "Regardless of how Luke feels about you he wasn't a sociopath like yours truly. His emotions are tethered…so I feel regardless of anything. And I feel like I should make things right between us."

I gave him a condescending look and burst out laughing. His jaw began to tense. "I don't understand how any of this is funny," he spat. I shook my head in disbelief. "I don't believe you Kai. You can't just be bad one day and all of a sudden you're good." "Yeah well it happened. And I'd appreciate it if you took my proposal seriously," he gulped. "Kai, I don't want anything to do with you! It's that simple." "Well Bon-nie. I'm not giving up you much of a choice. I'm going to make amends with you whether you like it or not."

Before I could even muster up a denial in his proposition the hearing spell was broken. The restaurant chatter filled my ears once again. I was met with Damon, Caroline, Elena and Jeremy's hard stares. God I had forgotten that they were even there. I turned to Kai who was smiling cheek to cheek. What was with this guy?

"See you around, Bonnie," he quipped as he walked right out of the Grill.


	9. Chapter 9

**Here's the latest. I hope you enjoy.**

"You wanna tell me what the hell that was about Bonnie?" Damon asked as he took residence in Kai's previous seat.

I gave him a quizzical look. "Why do you care?" I questioned.

"Because we care about you Bonnie!" Jeremy yelped. His voice was annoyingly loud and it grabbed the attention of everybody in the Grill. "Hey Bon...?" Matt started as he came to the bar in the proper Mystic Falls Grill uniform. His voice got quiet as he realized the atmosphere in the restaurant had changed. It was once a family hangout and just as quickly, turned into an angst party of two in the matter of seconds.

I took in Jeremy's features. His cheeks were bright red and his fists were clenched-hard. Like he wanted to hit something. "Bonnie is everything okay?" Matt asked while leaning over the bar counter. I took a minute and asked myself the same question. Was everything okay? Well no, for one I feel like shit. Everything is irrevocably fucked up and there's nothing I could do about it. And that was the shittiest thing about it. I had zero control over anything. Not a damn thing. I couldn't take back those months I spent suffering with the eerie feeling of despair and loneliness crawling up my back. Kai couldn't take back torturing me and I couldn't take back those bittersweet months with Damon either. I was in a rut. I was stuck.

I shook my head and plastered on a fake smile. "Everything is fucking peachy," I said with the highest level of sarcasm. Matt grabbed my arm across the counter and gave me a condescending squeeze. "My shift ends at 9. Is it okay if I come over again?" I gave him a genuine smile. "Of course you can."

"Do you mind if I joined your little slumber party too?" Damon asked sarcastically. "See you later Matty," I said as I leaned across the counter and planted a light kiss on his cheek.

You know, I'm trying to be mature now. I'm in my early 20's and I've been through a lot. But in all honesty, when Matt asked me if 'everything was okay' I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw a tantrum. I wanted to curse those three vampires and the previous vampire hunter out in ten different languages. It took everything in my power to not go off on any if them, especially in a public place, and when I managed to do that and walk out of the Grill without touching any of them, I gave myself a pat on the back. Kudos to you Bonnie for keeping your cool. But that shit ended when Elena, the special damsel in distress vamp sped right in front of me after I took two steps away from the restaurant.

"Bonnie," she began. I sighed loudly. "What do you want?" Elena sighed in response as her rosy cheeks turned rosier. My ex best friend was gorgeous- I never would discredit her beauty. But seeing her now, after all the things I've been through, I wondered to myself 'was she really worth it?' I know what you're thinking, and I know I sound stupid and hypocritical because I literally died for her but was she really worth it? If Elena would've died, a lot of things would have never happened. I wouldn't have ever died and neither would have Jeremy. So many horrible things wouldn't have ever happened if Elena would have just ceased to exist. I sound kind of sadistic, I know, but I'm being realistic. As I looked at Elena Gilbert today I realized how my life would've turned out. It probably wouldn't have been as shitty as it was now, and it was because of this one girl, this one doppelgänger, that turned my life upside down.

"You know you turned my life into shit, right?" I asked rhetorically before she even had a chance to speak.

"Wha-" a confused look graced upon her face. "What do you mean?"

"I mean..if you would've died on that bridge, none of this would've happened." Elena's face twisted into sadness after heating my response. "Bonnie…how could you say that," she croaked.

"My life for the past five years has been about you." I said through gritted teeth. "We need you to do a spell to protect Elena. We need you to take down a thousand year old vampire for Elena. Everything is always about you!" I wailed. "And the one time I need someone to save me, nobody comes! But you Elena, you have the world at your feet. You have people who would die for you, kill for you. Who do I have? Nobody." Elena's body was frigid and she didn't say another word. Her eyes were pooling with water and a single tear escaped her eye and rolled down across her cheek. I can admit what I said was pretty harsh, but I didn't care. I didn't feel the pang of remorse of guilt which was satisfying and terrifying at the same time. I said those things just to get a rise out of her and when I said it, I felt great. I meant every single word I said and the more I relished in my bitchy interior, the better I'd do at hiding the pain I felt. But in all honesty, I liked the new me, and for the time being, she wasn't going anywhere.

Xxxxxxxx

The walk back home was tense. After I left a crying Elena in front of the Grill I was looking behind my back waiting for some homicidal vampire to snap my neck for insulting the damsel in distress. But knuckle that didn't happen. You know what did happen? I turned the corner to my house and saw a somber Stefan Salvatore. He's the only person who hasn't been hopping down my throat recently so I didn't really feel annoyed by his presence.

"Saint Stefan," I said with out a sense of humor in my tone. "What are you doing in my neck of the woods?" Stefan stood tall with his boot cut blue jeans, gray boots and cargo jacket. He sure was a looker. "I just wanted to say hello. I know you've been feeing like crap for the past couple of days." His last choice of words caught my attention. "What do you mean?" "You just came back from the dead." He deadpanned. "You must be feeling shitty." His words kind of stung, which was odd because they were all true, but nonetheless, still stung.

"Where are you going with this?" I questioned cautiously, looking into his moss green eyes. He shrugged with nonchalance. "Nowhere. I just wanna talk. I was going to wait inside your house but I can't even get past the doorstep." "Waiting inside my house? That kinda creepy. Even for you, Stefan." I chuckled. "Oooh she laughs." Stefan said with a hint of accomplishment. I'm surprised you haven't set me on fire yet."

I shook my head. He was right. Why hadn't I told him to just fuck off? I walked around Stefan and proceeded to walk to my door, but came to a stop.

"Y'know Stefan," I said as I turned around to meet his gaze again. "I don't really know why I haven't cursed you out or set you on fire yet. I think I might just hate you the least out of all of them."

"Oh really? And why is that?"

I shrugged. "Honestly I feel like I should cut you some slack. You give up everything for everybody, and what do you get? Suffering in a safe for months while your girlfriend is off starting a life with your brother. And me? I just die once or twice, and nobody really gives a shit." Stefan doesn't reply and simply nods his head. "People like you and me, Stefan, we always finish last." I said with finality as I entered my house leaving a pandering vampire outdoors.

Stefan's POV:

"You were with Bonnie today?" Not two seconds had I entered my house and Damon was bombarding me with questions. I threw my jacket unto the couch after I unwrapped it from my body. I was making a move into the kitchen while answering Damon's question with a question.

"How did you know?"

"I can smell her on you." My eyes squinted in curiosity by hearing his statement. "So what, you have her scent engraved into your senses or something?"

"No you idiot. In 1994 she had this lilac scented lotion that she'd always wear. I guess old habits die hard." I didn't reply as I looked into the empty refrigerator. "You didn't restock the blood?" I questioned with annoyance. "It was your turn." Damon said in defense. "But yeah, back to our favorite little witch. Bon Bon. So what did you two talk about?" I scoffed at my brother. "What are you, a jealous ex boyfriend?" "No," Damon answered in a strained tone."I'm a jealous ex bff, so I have the right to know." I chuckled at Damon's naivety towards Bonnie. "We didn't even really talk," I fessed up. "She didn't even let me inside her house."

Damon winced. "Damn, Bon Bon's brutal." "Yeah," I rolled my eyes. "But she hates me the least." I said with gratitude. Damon's blue eyes met mine. "What do you mean 'she hates you the least'?" I put my hands up in surrender. "Her words not mine."

I chuckled inwardly because I knew Damon was going to be put into a challenging position now with Bonnie's new attitude. It was something new to see Damon out of his comfort zone, and that's exactly where Bonnie put him. A foreign place where he didn't know how to escape.

**What do you guys think? Review please, and I'm sorry about** **the late** **update.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Here's the latest. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review! I haven't been getting a lot of reviews lately and I honestly do value you guys' opinions. Also, sorry for any grammatical mistakes or spelling mistakes. I was rushing while typing this. **

I was beginning to realize how much music helped me calm down. I've always listened to music; I was a cheerleader and music plays a big part in cheerleading. But I've never actually listened to music. I've never discovered how much meaning there was behind simple lyrics in a song. Listening to music made me less angry; less sad. And it was miracle to not feel sad because I felt it. Everyday. I feel the eeriness of despair all the time and no matter how much I try to mask it up with anger and hostility, it's still there. I'm so terrified of myself that it's actually questionable to how I haven't gone crazy already. Or have I? Have I gone mad? I don't think I have, but how could you ever truly know if you're crazy or not? It's a seriously bold question, a question that I couldn't answer. I sound ridiculous I know, but it's how I truly feel. And all I felt like doing now was crying, but I didn't want to to cry. Pussies cry and shit, I am done being a pussy. I felt like talking. Just venting to someone; and I knew just who I wanted to vent too.

Xxxx

Ironically I found myself at the boardinghouse, which was pretty pathetic in my opinion. Feeling oddly sheepish and vulnerable I knocked on the door. My guard was still up, but I knew who I wanted to talk to. I wanted to talk to him. The door knob turned slowly and the sounds of the creaky door hinges made me cringe. I stood in front of him, wearing a weary smile. His eyes were so commanding and bold that I had to shy away from his gaze.

"Bonnie." He said with a surprised look on his face. Shit, I couldn't blame him for being surprised to see me. If I was in his position I'd feel the same way.

"Hey…Stefan." I breathed.

He wore gray baggy sweatpants that hung low on his waist with a plain white v-neck. It was odd seeing Stefan so homey. He extended his arm and motioned me indoors. I strutted in the house like I owned the place and sat right down on the sofa waiting for Stefan to take his seat as well. "Is Damon here? I questioned as he plopped down next to me at a respectable distance. "No he's not." Stefan replied. "But from what I've heard lately, I don't think you're here to see Damon." "God no, I'm not. I'm here to see you Stefan."

Stefan's eyebrows hitched up so high to his forehead, they nearly got lost in his bangs. "Why are you here to see me?"

"Because I want to…er..talk?" I said with reluctance. My ego was way too big for my own good. "Talk?" He snickered. "Okay," he then deadpanned. "Let's talk." He crossed his arms over his chest and waited for me to speak.

"God I feel so weird. Coming to you like this." I confessed.

"Why?"

"Because it's stupid. I feel like a hypocrite for hating everybody else, but I'm here talking to you when I know you're just as full as shit and they are."

"So why are you here?" He questioned. Stefan didn't comment on my bluntness which want really surprising. I knew that Stefan was a very patient guy so I knew what I was getting myself into my talking to him.

"Because…" I started, "everything you said about me feeling like crap was true. And I knew that I could actually talk to you about it." Stefan didn't didn't reply and merely nodded in continuation. "Everything is shit. Every fucking thing. I have nobody. And it's ironic, huh? I was brought up to be independent. My mom left me, my dad didn't care too much about me; he was never really home. All I had was my Grams. And when she was taken from me, God. Jesus fucking Christ." I took a deep breath as tears threatened to escape my eyes. But I wasn't crying. Fuck no. I wasn't a pussy. I cleared my throat and got my bearings together.

Without looking at Stefan, I continued. "And here I am today. God your brother really fucked me up. He really did. Damon is under my skin. He's like a cold you can't ever get rid of. Damon. It's Damon, Damon, Damon. Damon fucking Salvatore." I ran my hands through my hair furiously. I was really debating on what to say next.

"Your brother…broke me," I croaked. "He actually lead me to believe that he cared about me. But nope," I said while wagging a finger in the air. "He doesn't. All he cares about is himself." I growled. "And I'm tired Stefan. I'm exhausted. I try not to care but damn it I care so much. I care about every single one of them; Elena, Jeremy, Caroline. And that's the problem because I don't want to care about them. But caring about them is like..an engraving on my skin." _Fuck I'm rambling. Bonnie shut up. I cleared my throat and waited for Stefan's scrutiny. _

"Bonnie," he began while raising my chin up to met his eyes. "I don't think you know how many times I've felt that way before. I've lived a long life and I can say with open honesty that I've wanted to hate Damon. Even Elena." My face twisted with confusion. "Elena?" I questioned. "Yup," Stefan said in a defeated tone. "She turned out to be everything I thought she wasn't. Katherine." I winced in response. Shit, that was a low blow but it was true. "You're right. Elena is hardly even recognizable."

"Honestly Bonnie, I'm glad you came to me. I'm glad you trusted me enough." Stefan said with a genuine smile on his face. I smiled back. "Yeah me too. But this still doesn't get you off the hook. You're still an asshole and I still hate you. Slightly less than the others, but hate nonetheless." Stefan chuckled and shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat." And that day, I left feeling a little more…lighter.

Xxxx

Walking back from the Salvatore house was oddly relaxing. I felt the most relaxed in months. I had forgotten how that felt, just to be less angry and less sad. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jumping with joy and I'm not going to go skipping through the fields, but I did feel a bit better. And I wanted to hold on to that feeling as long as I could because I knew in due time it would be gone. And as soon as I turned the corner to my house the feeling of relaxation and calamity was out the window. All I felt was disgust and anger and I made eye contact with Kai. He was wearing dark jeans with the cuffs rolled up with black combat boots and a trench coat. If he wasn't a psychopath he would be actually good looking. I mean he already was, but the psychopathic I-wanna-kill-you- trait was a deal breaker.

I walked up to him with my chin raised and my eyes blazing. I growled underneath my breath because he was sitting on my doorstep which meant that he broke through my supernatural free barrier. Kai stood up and wore a sheepish look on his face as we stood toe to toe. He looked down on me with his brown eyes and chiseled jaw. He had slight razor bumps from shaving along his chin and a little stubble upon his upper lip. I stuck my hands into my pockets as I broke our stare down. "Any particular reason why you're here, Kai? And how did you even know where I lived?" I asked with an attitude.

He cleared his throat and I watched as his Adam's apple throbbed as he gulped. "W-well, I came to see you," he stammered.

"Why? What the hell do you want?" He took a deep breath. "I want to apologize, Bonnie. Everything that I did in 1994 was…terrible. That doesn't even describe it; I was awful to you, Bon. You didn't deserve any of it. You're a good person Bonnie, and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. And I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

I stayed quiet for a minute. I took in his facial features; he looked sullen and he had bags underneath his eyes. He looked like he hasn't slept for days . His eyes were wide and his lips were parted. In all honesty, he looked quite….sincere. He looked genuine and seemed genuine, but I knew better. I nodded my head and sucked my teeth. "This 'apology' is coming from the guy who literally switched personalities overnight. Come on, you can't be serious." Kai's face twisted into confusion and disappointment and a sense of…hurt? "But I am serious. Very serious. You're all I can think about, Bonnie. You have to believe me." He pleaded.

"Believe you?" I yelped. This was so fucking absurd. "You expect me to believe in you when you literally pulled the same shit on me before? Back in the prison world you fed me a little sob story about your family. And then you stabbed me and stole my blood and left me there. And the shittiest thing about it is that I actually felt bad for you. I pitied you. But guess what? That pity sure as shit didn't get me anywhere."

"I'm not the same person anymore," he said through gritted teeth. "You have to give me a chance."

"I don't owe you shit Kai!" I screamed. "I don't have to do anything for you or concerning you." Kai ran a hand through his hair in frustration. If he actually thought that shit was going to be easy between us, he had another thing coming.

"Bon-nie," he said while a pronouncing every letter in my name. "You're quite the challenge. And I like a challenge." I scoffed at his response. Instead of of replying back I pushed past him and entered my house. I locked the door and breathed out through my mouth. Was I ever going to get a break? I had a psychopath outside of my house trying to be bff's and a mixture of desperation, loneliness, and despair crawling up my back. I was battling my emotions; my anger and sadness were in competition and I couldn't tell which one was beating which, and I didn't know how to handle any of it. I was spiraling. My brain was fuzzy and my eyes were foggy and all I could think about was trying to stay in control. But I was losing, and I was losing bad. The heaviest thing on my mind was when would I completely lose? And what would be the outcome of it?


	11. Chapter 11

**Don't forget to review. **

"Hey Matty," I said as I wrapped my arms around my childhood friend's neck. I was so glad that Matt stuck to his word earlier today and came over. With all the bullshit with Kai, I needed someone familiar right now in my life. "Hey Bon," he said as he put his strong arms around my back in a tight embrace. His touch felt so warm and welcoming and it made me feel good inside.

"Seems like someone's glad to see me." Matt continued as our embrace ended. I welcomed him indoors as I locked the door behind me. "Of course I'm happy to see you. Why wouldn't I be?" Instead of joining Matt on the couch I went to the kitchen to get us some snacks and drinks. My cabinets and refrigerators were oddly stocked. It was kind of unnerving to come home after _dying_ and find my house sleek and not find a speck of dust anywhere, and to find an endless supply of different snacks. I didn't want to seem paranoid but it was odd. Brushing it aside, I brought out two bags of chips, cookies and jello shots.

"Are we having a party Bonnie?" Matt questioned jokingly as I stepped out of the kitchen struggling with the food in my arms. "Hell yeah we're having a party." I managed to reach the living room table without dropping anything. I then plopped down on the couch next to Matt and sighed. "Thanks for coming over." "No problem," he said as he reached for a bag of Lays and opened it up with a pop. "You seemed like you needed company." "Yeah I get a lot of company and the majority of it is unwanted." "What do you mean?" he asked. "Well for starters," I began while reaching over the table and opening a pack of cookies, "Kai came over." "The psychopath?" Matt asked in between crunches. "What did he want?"

"To apologize," I said while rolling my eyes. "He told me that he can't stop thinking about me and that I needed to give him another chance."

"He sounds like an ex boyfriend," he chuckled.

"Shut it." I said while swatting him with a pillow. "He sounds like a psychopathic animal."

"Yeah I guess," he agreed. "But do you think he's capable of change?"

My immediate answer was going to be _no,_ but then I thought about it a little. Was he redeemable? Kai has done some horrible things, yeah, but who hasn't? Damon is the _king _of fuck ups and murder, but yet he was 'redeemable' enough to be with Elena. Klaus is a literal mass murderer; he's probably worse than Damon and Kai _combined_, but he's 'redeemable' enough to get into Caroline's pants.

But there's a difference between Damon and Klaus vs. Kai. Damon and Klaus never actually traumatized me-Kai did. Kai literally tortured me; physically and emotionally. He caused my anger and sadness and despair. He was a monster. But then again, that monster helped me. In the sickest, twisted way, he _helped me._ He taught me a valuable lesson, that my friends weren't shit. He taught me that the only person that I could depend on was myself. That was the most important thing in the world; self-dependency. If I didn't have anyone I needed to be able to trust myself to pick up the pieces. I needed to trust myself to be able to say _no, I'm not dying for no-fucking-body._ Kai taught me that. Its pretty fucking pathetic right? I had to die for the hundredth time over and be stuck with a psychopath to realize my self worth. So as I looked at my childhood friend stuffing his face with chips I gave him an one worded answer. "Yes."

A couple of jello shots later I wa d. It's so embarrassing of how much of a light weight I am when it came to drinking. Matt had a slight buzz from what he was saying repeatedly, "_I'm buzzed, I'm buzzed, I'm buzzed." _But the look in his eyes said otherwise. This guy was drunk. Matt and I were oddly on the floor lying next to each other side by side with our legs crossed. Matt had the giggles and it was undeniably adorable how much his laughs were uncontrollable. Every other minute he would laugh and his laughs were so contagious.

"Matt stop laughing." I said while flicking him with my middle finger and thumb.  
e  
"I can't help it," he said while holding a hand over his mouth. His face was turning red from holding his breath and he immediately reminded me of a tomato. I burst out laughing which made Matt start to laugh as well. It felt good to laugh. It felt good to feel weightless and not have a care in the world.

"I love you Matt." I said in between giggles. "You make me feel happy." Matt responded by grabbing my hand and giving me a light squeeze. The atmosphere between us was light and fluffy and it was enjoyable, but there was something I had to ask. "Do you think I should forgive them?"

We stayed silent for a minute. "No. Not yet at least. Make 'em suffer." I smiled at him. I agreed; if I was going to ever be able to forgive _them_ again it'll take awhile and it'll be on my own terms.

"You're right, Matt. I'm lucky to have you."

"Are you sure it isn't the other way around? I'm lucky to have _you._ The strong, loyal Bennett witch who'll never give up on you. I want you to know something Bonnie; you're an amazing person. I know that you're going through some things right now and I know that you're not at your best at the moment. But just know that I believe in you."

I smiled at his words as tears pooled my eyes. "Holy shit Donovan, when did you get so goddamn sentimental?" He threw out a hearty laugh in response. The alcohol was burning my chest as I looked at my best friend having the time of his life just by _laughing._ I wish I could be that happy. A sad smile whispered across my lips as I admired him. Looking into his eyes I remembered Damon's eyes. His eyes were a shade lighter but they were still gorgeous nonetheless. I thought of his midnight black hair and his clean shaved face. And that's when my stomach actually dropped when I realized how much I wished that it was Damon in my company instead of Matt.


	12. Chapter 12

**This is probably one of my favorite chapters that I've written so far. I enjoyed writing it and I hope you guys enjoy reading it. Don't forget to review!**

This was the second time that I've woken up in Matt's arms. After our little 'shindig' last night I woke up with a slight headache, which was a relief because expected to be hung _the fuck_ over from drinking so much yesterday.

Matt's loud belch made me jump out of his arms in disgust. "Ugh, gross Matty." His eyes remained closed while he pouted. "I thought we were cuddle buddies, Bonnie."

"We were until you ruined it." Matt began to groan as he raised his body off the carpet. Did I mention we fell asleep on the floor?

"Holy shit," he started. "I have the biggest headache ever."

"Really?" I questioned. "'Cause I don't even have a hangover and I'm pretty sure I drank more than you last night."

"What? How is that even possible?" I shrugged as I got off the hard floor and walked to the bathroom. "I'll get you an Aspirin."

_"I forgot to ask, did you like the snacks I bought?" _I literally almost shitted my pants as I heard Kai's voice behind my back. I wasn't even fully in the bathroom as of yet, and here was the sociopath that just couldn't stay away.

"What the fuck Kai?" I shrieked. This guy was completely mentally ill, showing up at my house using a fucking what, _cloaking spell? _Was he serious?

"I'm sorry Bon, this is just the only way that I knew I could talk to you."

"The fuck Kai! There is nothing to talk about!"

"Yes there is," he pressed. "I overheard you say that you believed that I was capable of change."

"That's completely not the point! The point is that you're at my house at the fucking crack of dawn and you were probably here last night too."

Kai licked his lips in embarrassment. "Look I know this is pretty…lets say_ awkward-_ but I'm not used to this. I'm not used to feeling all these _feelings_ for someone. I just know that I have to be around you and I need to make it up to you."

"Well Kai stalking me isn't exactly what I want!"

"I-" he started. "Get out!" I screeched as the windows in my house shattered and I subconsciously threw Kai out the door with my magic. _God I was so tired of him. _He invaded my privacy and cloaked himself in my house and thought things were going to be peaches and cream? Fuck no.

"Bon," Matt started. But I didn't hear him. All I saw was red. My front door flew open with the flick of my wrist. I continued walking until my feet met the cold concrete and my eyes met Kai's. He was on the ground, still winded by the surprising blow I gave him. His brown eyes bored into mine. A ball of fire light in the palm of my hands as my magic flew up my veins and out through my fingertips. Balls of fire were released from my hands as I sent them in Kai's direction. He managed to duck the ones that intercepted him until one burned his upper forearm.

He hissed in pain. "Fuck," he mumbled under his breath. While he was distracted, I raised my hand up and at the same time, his body raised with it. I clenched my hand and my movement with my hand mirrored the action that was taking place on Kai's body. I envisioned my hands wrapped around his throat, choking him, and the action occurred as he struggled and began coughing from the magical grasp on him.

"Bonnie," he groaned. His face was turning red as I was sucking the life out of him. I was killing him. _I was going to actually kill him. _But I wanted a fight.

"Fight back," I said through clenched teeth. I felt fucking pathetic fighting against someone who didn't reciprocate in taking action against me. Kai is a strong witch. Shit he's the fucking leader of the Gemini Coven. But yet, here he was getting his ass handed to him by me. I loosened my hold on him and then completely let him go. He fell onto the ground with a hard thud as he started coughing violently. Irritated and oddly astounded by his resistance of fighting back, I stomped to his curled body on the grass. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't…want..to fight you Bonnie," he said in between breaths.

"So what, you were just going to let me kick your ass or even kill you?"

"Whatever it takes." I was taken aback by his declaration. He sounded so genuine it caught me off guard. His eyes were so big and pleading. "Just…stay the hell out of my house Kai." I turned around and saw Matt's mouth agape. I couldn't blame him. Before entering the house, I said a small enchantment that fixed all the damages.

"Bons," Matt started as I sat down on my plush sofa. "What the fuck was that about?"

I ran a hand through my disheveled hair and sighed. "What the fuck else?" I spat. "It's Kai's crazy ass. Apparently he can't take a fucking hint."

"You know Bons, maybe he has changed." I set my eyes to my best friend who wore a sheepish look on his face. He wriggled in his seat as he continued. "I mean, from what I've heard Kai is pretty powerful. You guys could've been having a full blown witch battle out there but you didn't."

"Regardless of the fact that Kai didn't fight back, doesn't change what he did, or who he is." I licked my lips in annoyance. _Why was Matt defending him?_ I know that I said beforehand that maybe there was a sliver of good in him and that he was capable of change, but it doesn't change anything.

Matt set his jaw and I swear that I head a tiny crack. "I think I should go." He got up off the couch and kissed me on my forehead and walked out. I wish I would've stopped him, because he was right. Kai not fighting me back _was _a big thing. I was a fool to not think it was. But it could just be another one of his little tricks too. I saw his true colors in 1994; he was charming yet the ultimate master manipulator. And there was no way I was falling for his bullshit again. Not in this lifetime.

* * *

"I wanna take you out. For a girl's night." I looked into Caroline's eyes as I cursed at myself internally for stopping by my dorm at Whitmore. I was in desperate need for one of my grimoires and I couldn't find it anywhere in my house, so I reckoned it would be at my dorm. As I was flipping covers and beds and rummaging through drawers, Care just happened to stop by.

"Bonnie," she squeaked. I simply rolled my eyes and continued looking for my grimoire. "Look," Caroline said while playing in her hair. She was nervous. She always fondled in her when she was iffy about something. "I know you hate me and I know I'm the worst person in the world to you right now, but I'm not giving up on us." I continued to ignore her. "Bonnie I've known you my whole life. You're practically my sister. And I'm not going to lose you. I won't allow it. Therefore I'm taking you out tonight." I snickered. "I'm serious Bon," she said while vampire speeding in front of me. I managed to step back before knocking heads with her. "I wanna take you out. For a girl's night."

Weighing my options in my head I began to speak. "Go out with my ex best friend or stay home and watch 'The Bodyguard'? Hm. I chose the latter."

"Come on, Bon. Please give me a chance to prove to you that I'm not that much of a shitty person. Please," she pleaded.

I rolled my eyes in defeat. One night wouldn't kill me, would it? And besides, this was Caroline…I missed her. "Okay…fine." Caroline squealed in excitement and wrapped her arms around me, but quickly drew them back with realization. "Too soon?"

"Yeah."

"Okay so I'll pick you up around 8 ish. And make sure to wear all black. It suits you."

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" I asked. "Nope," she chided. "Just be ready."

I oddly didn't regret coming out with Caroline tonight. She took me out to a bar on the outskirts of town which was a relief. She showed up at my house at 8:40 which was kind of odd because my whole life I've known Caroline to never be late. I didn't mind though, it gave me time to keep on looking for my grimoire, which I _still _couldn't find. Right before I was about to call it quits for my 'girl's night' with Care, the doorbell rang and there she was, clad in all black. I was taken aback. You'd never catch Caroline Forbes in black, let alone _all black_ so it was…a little surprising. My attire was black ripped jeans, a black crop top, combat boots and my infamous leather jacket. My hair was painstakingly straight and my makeup was dark as well.

Even though Caroline wore all black her makeup was quite the opposite. She wore bright pink lipstick and light gold eyeshadow. Her hair was the opposite of mine too, curly and bouncy. She looked amazing.

I nodded my head in appreciation. "You know, you don't look half bad."

"Neither do you. You look nice too." I raised my eyebrows. "So," I started as I began to close my front door and lock it with my magic. "Where are we headed?"

"You'll see," Caroline chided as we hopped into her Prius and drove off.

The bar we ended up going to was called '_Maisie's. _Weird name. On the outside it looked pretty run down, but on the inside it was beautiful. It was a fancy bar with crystal chandeliers and golden glass cups. But it also had a type of edge to it too. The walls were painted black and dark red. The place pretty much reminded me of the vampire bar on True Blood called '_Fangtasia'. _And the biggest similarity about Maisie's and Fangtasia was the fact that it was crawling with the supernatural. The whole aurora of the bar screamed vampires and werewolves and even a couple of witches.

I clutched Caroline's arm. "Do you smell that?"

"Yeah. It smells like dog."

"Did you know that this bar is full of _you-know-what's_?"

"No," she urged. "Bonnie I swear I didn't."

"Well we're here." I sighed. "Might as well make the best of it." I detached myself away from Caroline and walked straight up to the bar. As soon as I sat down on a stool I monitored the bartender over. He was a frail boy with thick black rimmed glasses and his name tag read 'Brandon'. Brandon was human. I rolled my eyes inwardly. I wondered if he knew that his life may be in danger due to all these vamps and wolves running around here.

"What can I do you for?" Brandon asked.

"Can I get a shot of bourbon please?"

"Make that two," Caroline intervened as she sat next to me. I chucked my eyebrows up at her. "What? You didn't think you were drinking alone did you?" Her blonde hair shun and I gave her a shy smile. She was making an effort and I appreciated that. We sat in silence until Brandon poured us our shots. "Cheers," Care said while raising her glass.

"What are we toasting to?" I asked while mirroring her actions.

"To this being our last shot that we buy tonight because we're cute enough to get guys to buy drinks for us!" I laughed in response as I clinked my glass to hers and downed my drink. "Now," Caroline started. "Is there any guy here that you want to devour tonight?"

I ran my eyes against the crowd of vampires and werewolves. There were a bunch of cute guys here and pretty girls too. But none of them caught my eye until a tall, caramel skinned guy caught my attention. Holy shit, he was gorgeous. He had a low cut fade and broad shoulders. He wore a black jacket with cargos and a pair of Nikes. _And did I mention his face? He was fucking __**gorgeous. **_And he was looking at me. My lips parted as he began to walk over. I slowly but cautiously turned my head to Caroline's already see that she was looking at me.

"He's hot," she mouthed. I nodded my head and blinked, and there he was before me. Up close he was even more gorgeous. So gorgeous that I didn't even care that he was a vampire.

"H-Hi," he stammered. "Mind if I sit?"

_Do you mind if I sit on your face?_ "Yeah sure," I replied back. "This is my friend Caroline, and your name is?"

"Jesse. And oh, nice to meet you, Caroline."

"Same here, Jesse. Hey, Bon I'm gonna head to the bathroom." Caroline gave me a condescending look and I shooed her away.

"So 'Bon'? Is that short for something?"

"My name is Bonnie."

"Bonnie," Jesse said with a full-fledged smile. "That's a pretty name."

"Thank you. So Jesse, how old are you?" "I'm 23, you?"

I scoffed. "I mean your _real _age." He gave me a confused look. "Wha-?"

"I know you're a vampire." I intercepted. His eyes bugged. "How?" "I'm a witch," I said simply. "And witches can sense when there are supernatural creatures nearby. So let's start again. How old are you Jesse?"

He sighed, "I'm 123 years old." "Hm. You're pretty young for a vampire."

He snickered. "You've been around older?"

_"Much_ older."

"Okay, Bonnie," he said while motioning Brandon the bartender over. "Let's see what else you can get out of me tonight." I smirked. "Let's see."

* * *

The night went by in flashes. First I was taking shots with Jesse as he told me his life story. He was turned in 1915 by his mother. She basically sucked him dry one night after he was cut by a knife. His mother was still a newbie vamp at the time, so her blood lust was over the charts high and she couldn't control herself. When I asked him how'd he survive without any vampire blood in his system he told me that beforehand his mother would always put her blood in his food and drinks just in case anything life threatening happened to him.

After he turned he told me that he despised his mother. She was his worst enemy. Jesse told me that being a vampire came easily to him. He never went on killing sprees or turned off his humanity. And I believed him. After a couple more shots in my system I told him a little about me. I told him my age and birthday and soon enough I started to tell him about how much my life sucked. I let him in on what I went through in my early high school years. I told him about my battles with the supernatural and how much I sacrificed for the people I 'loved'. And I told him about how much I hated Damon. He offered to kick his ass for me and that brought a smile to my face but I had to give him the heads up that Damon was older and stronger then him.

"I don't care how old he is. I'll still kick his ass." I giggled and gave him a genuine smile. "You're sweet."

Juicy J's song _'Bounce It'_ came on and my eyes popped open. "You wanna dance?" Before he could answer, I grabbed ahold of his hand and pulled him off the bar stool and onto the dance floor. I saw Caroline talking to some guy, a blondie-as the chorus of the song began.

_ Bounce it, bounce it. I'm about to throw a couple thousands._

Let me tell you, Jesse could get down. His body fell in sync with mine as I popped and locked against his body. His hot breath was creeping up my neck as his hand went up and down my thigh. I closed my eyes for a split second and Care was in front of me, dancing with her guy too. I got out of Jesse's grasp and pulled Caroline into me. I started dancing against her in sync as the song changed to Rihanna's song '_Love Song.'_

_Oh baby, you've been stingy with your time. Got me wonderin', I'm wonderin' if I'm on your mind.  
_

The song had a slower beat to it, but I still managed to get down. Caroline's frame moved against mine as the lights started to flicker and the room got hotter. I didn't know if it was my doing that the lights started to blink, but I didn't care. I was having a good time. I felt light and serene and I was going to revel in it.


	13. Chapter 13

I felt something light against my arm as I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. I was in a baby blue room with hard wood floors and sleek furniture. I was also in bed with Jesse. His head was on my stomach and he was breathing slowly while his fingers caressed my right arm lightly. I got chills from being in such an intimate position with somebody. I hadn't had sex in months, let alone lie next to a guy in bed, and here I was, next to a 123 year old vampire who looked adorable while he slept.

"You know I can quite literally feel you staring at me."

I got goosebumps from hearing his voice. I swear a guy's sleepy, raspy voice is the most attractive thing in the world.

"I can't help it," I replied. "You're pretty."

"I'm pretty?" Jesse answered while turning his head to meet my eyes. He gave me a shy smile. "I've never heard that one before."

"Because you _are_," I croaked. I sounded like a chain smoker. Gross. "I mean, you're not the average looking guy. Like at all. You're highly attractive."

"Oh, it's what 11 in the morning and you're already showering me with compliments? You must be the one."

I scoffed. "So," I started. "This is your place?"

"Yeah." Jesse got up from my stomach and moved to the pillow next to me and propped his elbow up while resting his head on his hand. I tried my very hardest to not stare too much at his protruding biceps.

"Okay..." I began, trying to re-jog my memory. I had way too much to drink last night but once again, I didn't feel hungover. When did I become so much of a heavy weight when it came to drinking? Before I died I got drunk on two measly shots. I remembered how Care used to always tease me about being a light weight. _That reminds me..._

"Do you know where my friend is?"

"Yeah, she's in the room with some guy."

I let out a breath of relief. As long as Care was safe, I was good.

"And you know," he continued. "I wasn't so keen about another guy that I didn't know staying in my house, so I think that counts as something."

I chuckled. "So what? You think you'll earn some brownie points for that?"

"Hell yeah. And the fact that I'm a great listener."

I raised an eyebrow. "Great listener?"

"Yeah. We had a little heart to heart last night."

"Oh really? About what?"

"Well for starters, this Damon guy really fucked you over."

My blood ran cold. "W-w-what?" I stammered. "You listened to me talk about a guy last night and didn't kick me out?"

"Yeah," he said will gracing his face with a confused expression. "I mean don't get me wrong, it was kind of weird but I don't scare easy."

I smirked at that. "You're really a good guy, aren't you?"

"What can I say? Mama raised me right. Except for when she turned me into a vampire."

I chuckled. "Well if you don't mind showing me where the bathroom is, I would like to freshen up."

"Sure. It's down the hall and the first door on the left."

I nodded as I got out of bed with my full outfit on from the night before, except for my leather jacket. I turned around and looked at Jesse accordingly. His face began to blotch as he caught my drift.

"I-I didn't think it would be right to you know…_undress_ you. Because we just met and all and I was afraid that you'd feel uncomfortable."

I gave him a genuine smile. _This guy was literally the sweetest thing._ "Thank you." I said. "That's really respectable of you." He returned the smile as I felt butterflies in my stomach. Holy shit. I haven't felt that way towards a guy since…well it doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was as of right now how lucky I was to find a guy like Jesse. He was a girl's dream.

* * *

Jesse, Caroline, and I finally found a decent place to eat at since Care and I had no idea where any restaurants were since we weren't in Mystic Falls.

"I swear this town-or _whatever, _is so weird." Caroline declared as she slid into the seating booth at this red neck restaurant called _'Fluke'_. "I mean," Care continued. "Everything is so out of place. So disorganized."

"Care I know that you're a neat freak and all and a perfectionist, but how can a town be unorganized?" I questioned. I had a quizzical look on my face as I tried to not burst out in laughter due to Caroline's discomfort.

"It just is." She squeaked. "This restaurant is so un-color-coordinated. I mean pink booths with yellow tables? In what world does pink and yellow go together?"

"In _this _world," Jesse chimed as he picked up a menu. "Whaddaya having?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea. I also have no idea why you're eating. You're a vampire," I half whispered. "There's no point."

He shrugged. "It's a sense of normalcy. And besides I didn't have jack shit to eat at home either and I didn't want you to starve." I dipped my head in consideration and picked up a menu as well. I skimmed through the different meals and just decided on a burger and fries.

"You're not eating Care?" I asked as I set down the menu.

"Eh. I'll take a milkshake."

Soon enough the waiter came over and took our orders while not so secretly gawking at Jesse. I wanted to poke her eyes out 'cause _damn!_ She had no shame. I rolled my eyes and cleared my throat. "Can you hurry up with our orders please?" I said with faux sincerity. "I'm starving."

The lanky waiter didn't even look my way to respond to me, she just nodded absentmindedly and gave Jesse one more wink before taking off. I hitched my eyebrows up at him. "I see you have a little fan over there."

"I can't help it," he said. "I'm too _pretty._"

My annoyance merely flew away by his response and a small smile graced my lips. "Are you ever gonna let me live that one down?"

He flashed a smile at me. "Probably not."

I tucked my hair behind my ear and turned to Caroline who was giving us a playful smile. Her eyes were flashy and even though she didn't say anything, I knew what she was thinking.

"So Care," I started trying to change the subject. "What happened between you and that mystery man last night?"

_"Bonnie," _she said with faux bashfulness. "You know a lady never kisses and tells."

"Yeah but we do! So tell me what happened! Did you…_you know, _have _fun?_" I tried to sound as subtle as possible due to Jesse's presence.

Caroline licked her bottom lip as she tapped her fingers on the table. "It was good." She gave me a knowing look. It was _really good. _

"Okay I need specifics. Rate 1-10."

Care giggled. "Off the damn charts."

* * *

**I know this is an awkward ass way to end a chapter, but you know I wanted to try to get all the fluff out the way because in the next chapters shit is gonna get real. I wanted to show you guys happy!bonnie and drunk!bonnie because I kno she needs to have a little fun. In the next chapters, things are going to change, so I'm hoping you're here to join the ride w me. Lastly this is mainly a Bonnie/Damon centric fic and I'm saying that now cus I know I haven't been showing as much **_**bamon**_** interaction lately but this is just a clarification. Thanks for reading and don't forget to review. **


	14. Chapter 14

**I've tried to prolong this update as long as possible but I couldn't do it lol. Review, review, review. **

A knock on my door shook me out of slumber. I was stretched out on my couch half awake and half asleep when the sound of a fist against my door jolted me up. I cursed underneath my breath. I was so exhausted. After spending the day with Jesse and Caroline, all I wanted to do was lie down. My day was full of laughter and smiles and I wanted to revel in it. I wanted to feel this way forever.

I reconnected with my best friend and met a guy that I actually _liked. _Things were finally going my way for once. So as I got up from my plush sofa with a genuine smile on my face I felt like I was walking on clouds. I opened the door and shock and confusion graced my features.

"Hey….Stefan." My voice reeked of question. I was utterly surprised that Stefan was here; the last time we spoke I was a mess. A chill ran down causing me to shudder in remembrance of the way I spoke about Damon to Stefan.

Stefan side-stepped into my house. _Okay._ I closed the door behind him and turned around and immediately met his eyes. He looks anxious. _Oh God, this must be bad. _

"The look on your face just tells me everything I already need to know. So I'm going to pretend that you're just as happy as I am right now." I said in a cheery voice. _I was __**not**__ about to let this brooding vampire ruin my mood. _

"Bonnie," he began.

"So Stefan," I purposefully interrupted. "How are you? I haven't spoken to you in a while."

_"Bon-"_

"The weather this year is weird isn't it? I mean it's the middle of January but it's oddly warm. _Global warming!_"

"Kai's at the house."

"We should all go out," I continued ignorantly. "Me, you and Caroline. Oh, did she tell you we made up?"

"He has Damon and Ele-"

I caved. "You know what? You and Damon are both strong enough to handle Kai on your own. You're vampires for fucksake. Or have you forgotten?" _I could never catch a fucking break._

"You and I both know what Kai's capable of," He replied sternly.

"Okay so what does Kai's _'capabilities'_ have to do with _me?_ I think we both know that I'm done playing the sacrificial lamb. I'm not doing any spells for any of you-"

"I'm not asking for you to do anything for _me. _Or Elena for that matter. All I'm asking you is to go see Kai. He wants to see you. If you don't go he'll kill Damon. You know it, I know it. Even with those new 'feelings' he has, killing Damon wouldn't affect him in the slightest."

**Kai's POV:**

I was walking around in a daze. I couldn't see straight, my heart raced and my head was pounding. Ever since Bonnie escaped from the prison world I couldn't get her out of my mind. She invaded my thoughts every day and it was driving me insane. I wanted to be around her; _**had **_to be around her. It was like an urge-_an obligation._ My body ached for her touch. Whether it was pain or not, I loved it.

But I knew my limits. I knew I pushed too hard sometimes. Showing up at her house like a stalker was really pushing it and I knew that, but it was worth it. I loved seeing her carefree and drunk, and I loved seeing her angry. I loved the flash of red that ran across her eyes each time she saw me. I wanted her. _So badly. _

The look in her eyes showed me that she had changed. She could kill me and maim me without batting an eyelash about it. That's all I wanted for her, to be able to really express her anger and explore her darkness. As much as I wanted to be around her, I knew that she'd never go for me. I wanted to be on her side. I wanted her to be on _**my side. **_

Even though I had these special new emotions running through my veins and I felt "guilt," and "empathy," I knew what to do. I knew what I wanted, and I knew exactly how to get it.

**Bonnie's POV:**

I licked my bottom lip as I walked side by side with Stefan. My heart raced in my chest. Kai had Damon. He was going to kill him unless I came to see him. _Fuck, fuck fuck. _

I took in the leafless tress. Everything looked so empty and incomplete.

I've always hid my…_feelings_ for Damon. I never let anybody know completely about how much I really cared about him. I mean, I spent months alone with the guy. It's kind of hard to not garner a connection with someone that you were in seclusion with.

There was so much more to Damon than what he actually let on. He was a narcissist, an asshole, and a selfish dick who acted like a 12 year old. But he was also intelligent, funny, and a decent person when he wanted to be. I actually liked him. I _really_ liked him. More then what I'd ever admit to and more than I ever wanted to. And as much as I hated him right now I couldn't allow anything to happen to him.

"Your heart's beating really fast."

I sighed. "I knew I should've killed that asshole the moment I saw him." I huffed. Kai was seriously making my skin crawl. Just the thought of him made my blood boil. I had so many opportunities to just end him. Why hadn't I? Why did I let him live? He deserved to die.

Stefan grabbed my arm lightly. "Bonnie."

I stared into his eyes. "I'm going to kill him."

xXx

The boarding house was eerily quiet as I stepped in. Stefan stood behind me as I walked through the familiar floors of the place I used to call home not too long ago.

"Bonnie," Kai greeted happily as I stepped foot into the living room. I nearly growled in response.

I felt his presence before I saw him and I could feel his gaze burning holes through my back. I turned my head slightly to the left and my eyes immediately met Damon's. He sat on his red couch with his disheveled hair and devastatingly blue eyes. My knees almost buckled by the way he was looking at me. He had a stern look on his face and his lips were pressed into a thin line. His whole demeanor screamed nonchalance but those eyes, _god those eyes,_ they gave away everything. Damon didn't look angry or sad for that matter; just apologetic.

Kai cleared his throat loud enough for us to break eye contact. I saw a slight tick in his jaw as he began to speak. "Isn't that something, Elena? To see your best friend and your boyfriend staring at each other so _intimately?_"

I heard her take in a breath but I didn't bother to look her way. Mainly because I didn't care about how she felt. I nearly forgot that she was even here.

I shuffled away from Stefan's side and took long strides towards Kai who was standing in the middle of the room, but not before sneaking a peak at Damon. He was sitting way too still. I knew that in different circumstances he would've just snapped Kai's neck and called it a day, but seeing how immobile he was I reckoned Kai was _keeping _him so still. _An immobility spell, huh? Smart. _

"I'm here," I huffed trying to stay calm. What do you want?"

Kai's brown eyes bored into mine. He was such a good looking guy. How could someone so attractive be so ugly?

He licked his bottom lip and sighed. His cool breath danced across my lips as I shuddered. "You look very pretty today Bonnie."

Confusion graced my face as I continued to look at the monster in front of me. "You think I'm pretty?" I asked reluctantly. _What was this guy's deal?_

He shrugged. "I've always thought that you were attractive."

I stayed silent as Damon spoke for me. "Cut the shit Kai," he growled. I felt the anger pulsating through his body. "We all know that you've got a hard on for Bon-Bon." I rolled my eyes. Damon's mouth was too reckless for his own good.

Kai tsked. "You seriously have a big mouth don't you?"

Think Bonnie, _**think. **__He has something up his sleeve and he's using magic right now. I could literally feel it all around me. What was he planning?_

"You know what Kai," I began as I tried to strike up an idea. "You wanna talk? Let's talk. Just leave Damon out of it."

"Ooooh." Kai's eyes bulged animatedly. "Somebody's defensive. Why are you protecting Damon? The asshole who left you?"

"You left me," I growled. I tried to remain calm as I felt my magic expand internally. "Or do you not remember when you stabbed me and left me in Portland?"

"Oh I remember," he sniped as his upper lip jerked upward. The asshole was _smiling. _"I remember plunging that knife into your abdomen and watching you fall onto your knees."

My eyes began to itch and burn as my bottom lip began to quiver.

"The look on your face was priceless. You got played by a trickster," he laughed evilly. "But what can I say? I always win."

And then- I snapped.

The killer in me awakened as I leapt onto Kai's built frame and tackled him onto the ground. I wrapped my hands around his neck and began to squeeze as I straddled him. My grip around his neck tightened as my thumbs pressed down harder against his windpipe. I was killing him in cold blood; no magic, no spells, nothing. Just the weight of my anger against him. _I felt amazing. _If I knew that killing somebody would've felt this good, and this peaceful, God I would've done it ages ago. Killing seemed so easy. I understood why vampires killed so much now. Because they wanted too. Because they liked it. And I was loving how I felt in this moment.

His eyes rolled into the back of his head as his struggle against me began to cease. But if I'm being completely honest, _he was never really struggling to begin with. _

I began to relax slightly as my grip loosened, and that was the gravest mistake I made.

_"Im 'iam in potestate. Tu mea. Omnis sermo ego te sequar conuenire.  
Quaevis action obtemperaturam te peto.  
Tuus sum ut mea."_

His hands were against my temples as my grip around his neck ultimately ended.

_"Im 'iam in potestate. Tu mea. Omnis sermo ego te sequar conuenire. _

_Quaevis action obtemperaturam te peto._

_Tuus sum ut mea."_

His chanting got louder and louder as I felt my body began to weaken and weaken. My resolve was breaking. My insides were caving in. I was dying. The last thing I remembered was Damon's blue eyes before I blacked out.


	15. Chapter 15

Have you ever had one of those dreams when you're falling? There's no clear vision of where you are or how you got there, but know that you have zero control of your body. You feel your stomach dropping and it takes everything in you to not scream or cry because you're _dreaming. _It isn't real. The impending drop will eventually end and you'll wake up. You'll awake to your friends and family and you'll be okay because you aren't falling anymore. You're awake, you're alive, and you're breathing. You'll say thank 'thank God,' because you're not engulfed by fear anymore.

But I was. I was terrified. I wasn't sure whether not I was alive or dead, but what I did know was that I was falling. My body was engulfed by the darkness surrounding me and my stomach was in knots. I tried to reach out for something, _anything,_ to hold me up so I'll stop falling to my impending death. But there was nothing to grasp.

I tried to calm myself because it felt like my heart was going to burst right through my chest. _Breathe Bonnie, breathe. I've been in worst situations right? _

I inhaled through my mouth and realized it was one of the stupidest things that I've ever done. The air was toxic. I could literally taste bits and pieces of debris on my tongue. It was so odd; breathing through my nose wasn't a problem, but breathing through my mouth tasted like death itself.

I began coughing as the air around me began to shift. The black sky changed color. It was white. I started to panic again as my heart felt like it was going to plummet out of me. _Was I really dead? At least the sky is white, so that means I'm going to heaven right? _

The drop began to intensify as my eyes started to water. _I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to-_"Oof!" The falling had stopped and I was very much alive. And very much in the arms of someone. A male someone. His skin was as pale as they come and his arms were so strong. His veins bulged out of his biceps as I felt a sense of familiarity in his arms. I followed the shape of his biceps with my eyes onto his broad chest, his neck and finally to his ice breaking blue eyes.

"Damon," I breathed. I studied his face. He looked so beautiful, like out of this world beautiful. His skin was so white and looked so clear; it was breathtaking. His normally dark arched eyebrows were more relaxed, and it fit his face well. And his eyes, his beautiful blue crystal eyes were glowing. He looked as if he was glimmering in the sunlight, like those cliché vampires in Twilight. Damon looked so oddly captivating. I traced the outline of this face with my forefinger in awe and infatuation.

"Bonnie, don't you have any manners? Don't you know that it's rude to stare?" Damon asked, with cockiness laced in his voice. I immediately dropped my finger from his face and grunted. The real Damon and…_this _Damon were still both assholes.

I nudged his chest. "Let me down." He obliged as he lowered my lower body to the ground. I shivered instinctively as my shoeless feet touched the ground. The ground was covered with snow.

I bent my knees and picked up a fist full snow that immediately melted in the palm of my hand. "Where am I?" I whispered.

Damon crouched down next to me as he met my eye level. "Aren't witches supposed to be smart?" He asked sarcastically while flicking some snow on my nose. I shook my head as the liquid melted on my face.

I stood up to my full height as did Damon, while simultaneously cowering over me. "Why must you always act like a dick? Even when I could possibly be dead right now?"

He scoffed. "Come on, Bon being dick comes as a part of the charm," he winked. I rolled my eyes in response. "And you're not dead. If you can't figure it out on your own I guess I'll have to tell you where we are."

"_Okay…_so tell me."

"Ah, ah, _ah," _he said while wagging a pale finger at me. "After I ask you a few questions."

I frowned at him but reluctantly decided to play along. "Ask away Damon."

"Last time you had sex?"

My cheeks began to redden. Why was I even surprised by his lack of seriousness and vulgarity? He was _Damon_, for goodness sakes. "You are such an ass."

He began to laugh. I don't mean a snicker or a fake laugh, I mean a genuine laugh. The sound of Damon's laughter was kind of foreign to me. He wasn't a smiler, let alone a laugher so, yeah, it kind of caught me off guard. But here he was all throaty and laughy, while a lingering sense of happiness floated in the air and became contagious. Despite my annoyance of him, a small smile crept across my lips. _Damn vampire._

"Okay, okay, okay. You had your laughs Salvatore," I said with faux sternness. "Now can you tell me where we are?"

Damon wiped an invisible tear from his eye as he began to sober up. "I didn't even get to ask you my question."

"You just did!"

"But you didn't answer it."

"Because it's none of your business, Damon."

"Alright, alright, alright. I can hear your heart racing. Somebody's getting mad." He stuck his bottom lip out as he began to pout, and I was in crossroads of going up to him and squeezing his cheeks and just kissing him myself, or smacking his pouty face. I sadly chose neither of the two.

"I'll just cut to the chase. You're in a dream." He gasped and put both hands on his cheeks in faux surprise while shaping his lips into the letter 'o.' This dream Damon was way more goofier then the real one. I put my hand on my hip as I tried to be annoyed with him and failed miserably as his lips curved into his infamous smirk that I loved and hated so much.

"Wait, I think I should rephrase that better. I'm in your head."

My nose scrunched up. "You mean like that weird mind control thing that vampires can do? Like the way you were in Rose's head before she died?"

"Yup. Exactly."

"So if I'm not dead, why are you here?"

"Because Kai took you. You were close to, _you know, _choking the life out of him, and then he got the upper hand and started chanting some witchy ju-ju. I don't know what the hell it was because I've never heard you or any other witch for that matter say anything like it before. Next thing I knew my neck was snapped and when I woke up, you were gone."

I nodded my head as the memories came back to me. Dammit I was_ so close to killing him. If I just wouldn't have let go. I could feel his airways giving up. Just a few more seconds and I would've been freed from his torment. I was such an idiot._

I ran my fingers through my hair as I felt my panic heighten and my anxiety rise. Damon noticed the increase in my heart rate and subtly inched closer to me to gently rub my back in a soothing matter. His odd gentleness didn't soothe my worries.

"You know I'm fucked, right?" My voice came out in a strained whisper.

"Hey, hey," he said while turning my entire stance to match his own.

"Damon," I began. "Who _knows_ what Kai will do to me. What he's already done to me."

"Nothing's going to happen to you." Damon said sternly while his blue eyes shun.

"How do you know that? Huh Damon?" My hands began to shake rapidly as I realized all the different scenarios I could actually be in. I was kidnapped by my abuser. The man who tortured me mentally, physically and emotionally. I could be magic-less right now. Kai could've siphoned all the magic out of me. Or worse, _definitely _worse.

So many different treacherous thoughts ran across my mind as my panic began to rise. If Kai were to kill me, I would be dead forever. There is no 'other side' anymore so my death would be permanent.

"Bonnie." Damon's loud voice shook me out of my train of thought. "Bon," he continued while giving me a reassuring smile. A smile that didn't exactly reach his eyes. "I'm going to do everything in my power to get you back. I'll kill anybody in my way who tries to stop me. You hear me?" He swept a loose hair out of my eye while holding my face in his hands. "No distractions this time."

I wanted to believe him, I really did. But all I felt when he said those words to me was false promises. "How can you be so sure?" I choked out.

He looked at me with the softest, most earnest expression I've ever seen. "Just believe in me."

I took a deep breath in as my eyes opened widely. I began to cough violently as my throat felt like it was caving in. The violent coughing ceased and I began to relax. But I didn't have a chance to take in my surroundings as his unknown presence caught my full attention.

"Bonnie." I recognized the voice immediately. Beforehand I would always feel a pang of disgust just by hearing his _name, _let alone being in the same room as him. But this time it felt different. I felt actually happy to hear him speak; to see him. As he came closer to me his brown eyes were full of warmth, rather than the usual coldness. His smile matched his eyes and I found myself smiling right back at him.

As he sat down on the bed next to me I felt a set of nerves run down my body. But not the nerves of being scared or frightened, the nerves you feel for someone you actually wholeheartedly liked. Someone you wanted to be around.

My smile continued to grow as I stared into his deep brown eyes. The same eyes of the person who abused me, the same eyes who tormented me. Who choked and stabbed me. Looking into his eyes all I felt was…_calamity. _ Like I was finally where I was supposed to be.

He opened his mouth to speak. "How are you feeling?" His deep voice nearly startled me.

I licked my lips and breathed, "I'm feeling great, Kai."

**A/N: What did Kai to do Bonnie? Don't forget to review, and thanks for reading.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: hey guys, remember me? with school coming back and my muse being absolutely shit, it took way longer than I anticipated for this chapter to get done. but here it finally is...and I really hope y'all enjoy it. don't forget to review **** p.s. this chapter might be a little triggering for some, so this is a fair warning.**

  
"I feel great, Kai." As soon as the words left my mouth I immediately knew they were untrue. Physically I was okay, even though I had a headache that quite literally snuck up on me. Mentally? Now that was a different story. Something was wrong. I could feel it. I was with Kai for goodness sakes, nothing could be right while being in the same room as him. Speaking of room, where was I?

I scanned the disclosed place with my eyes. The walls were a pretty peach color with hard wood floors and sleek table tops. The bed I was sitting on was still neat, which was surprising because I was always a wild sleeper. Whenever I had sleepovers at Care or Elena's house they would always complain about me either slapping or kicking them in the face.

"You day dream a lot, don't you?" Kai asked with an amused look on his face. _Why_ _was_ _he_ _smiling?_ _And_ _why_ _did I imagine myself tracing_ _the_ _curves_ _of_ _his_ _lips_ _with_ _my_ _fingers? _My head and body reacted differently towards his words. Usually whenever he spoke or was around me, I didn't try to hold in the amount of distaste and hate I had for him. I'd let it all out without caring one bit. But now I was smiling back at him. I now had an unusual urge to just be around him.

"Daydreaming about what we may or may not have done in this room. Tell me Kai, did you touch me while I was asleep?" _Where did that come from? _Now I was flirting with him. Which was admittedly odd, but not entirely disgusting.

He smirked. "Naughty girl."

A memory flashed in the back of my mind. "You've called me that before. In 1994. I hated you so much then."

"And how do you feel about me now?"

"I . . . like you?" I said with question dripping out my mouth.

"Is that a question?"

"I actually like you." I verified. "So," I said while scooting next to him slowly. "You mind telling me what the hell is wrong with me? I promise I won't get upset." I said as I stuck my bottom lip out.

His eyes not so subtly flickered to my lower lip and quickly back to my eyes again. "Promise?" he repeated.

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

He chuckled. "I made you mine."

"And what does that mean? What spell did you cast to make me 'yours'?"

"You want the whole story or the edited one?"

"The one that gets straight to the point."

"It was a manipulation spell. I cast it when you were trying to kill me."

The memory flashed through my mind as it came back to me. I was on top of Kai strangling him. I was so close to killing him, but I ultimately failed. A splitting headache overtook me as I fell to the ground in  
pain. I remember feeling like I was dying.

"So you basically tried to kill me to make me 'yours'?"

"You tried to kill me too. Besides you were already half way gone anyways. Trying to kill me by strangulation? That's kinda brutal Bon-bon," he teased halfheartedly. "You're a witch. You could've killed me with magic, but you chose not to. Why do you think that is?"

I thought back to the feeling of my hands around his neck, squeezing the life out of him. I felt his windpipes underneath my thumbs and heard his staggered breathing. He began to struggle less and less and I knew that he was dying. The feeling that I got from that was _**euphoric. **_I never felt that way before. Besides me _almost _killing every 'big bad' in Mystic Falls, I've never actually killed anyone besides myself. The keeling of Kai's life literally in the palm of my hands was something I'd never forget . . . _power__**. Actual power. **_The only time I've ever even felt a smidge of power was when I almost killed Klaus-with a thousand witches' power in me. But that feeling doesn't even compare to what I felt yesterday. Power was the ability to take. Take from the lesser and the higher.

"I wanted you to suffer," I began. "For everything you had done to me. How you shot me with an arrow, how you stabbed me and left me alone in that prison. And I know that I'd blame Damon for that, but it was you. You left me there to die like I was nothing. I never felt so much hatred towards someone a day in my life, until I met you."

"So I wanted you to suffer," I continued. "Snapping your neck? Too easy. Plus, there's no fun in that. But strangulation? Seeing and _feeling_ your breathing almost give out because of my hands wrapped around your neck? That was what I wanted; what I needed. I wanted you to suffer, just like I did. Because I wanted to die," I chuckled. "I would think to myself, 'is this the day that I finally grow some balls and kill myself?' Like actually slit my wrists or OD or something. But it never happened. And here we are now."

Kai looked at me like a deer in headlights. "A-and here we are," he repeated. "Do you still want to kill me?"

"No," I answered immediately.

"So what do you want from me?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

His eyes darkened. "All I ever wanted was you. But you'd never chose me over your friends, so I took you."

I breathed in inwardly. Here I was, Bonnie Sheila Bennett, do-gooder of Mystic Falls, sacrificial lamb, and all around best friend, shacking it up with Kai Parker, a sociopathic murderer.

"So how are we going to play this out?" I questioned. "What's your endgame here?"

"I don't know yet," he answered. "What I do know is that we're going to pay a little visit to your friends . . . sooner rather than later." 


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Hi guys. I know I've been gone for awhile now but here I am! Hopefully you'll will still be interested in continuing to read this, because I literally was just reading some of my older chapters and an idea popped into my head. So here it is, I hope you enjoy.**

**P.S. This chapter is going to be pretty dark in terms of suicide mentions – so here's a fair warning. **  
**The last time I wrote this it took place when Kai cast a manipulation spell on Bonnie (so basically her feelings towards him are twisted) and then with the continuation of Kai kidnapping Bonnie. Here it goes!**

* * *

"When did it start?"

Kai's deep voice filled the silent room. Before he had decided to speak up the room was utterly silent. I was lying on the already made bed with a clear mind and Kai was on the opposite side of the room sitting on an uncomfortable looking chair underneath a picture that showed different flowers. There were daisies, roses, and petunias that stood atop of the menacing man that took me against my will. But strangely I didn't care that he kidnapped me. With the manipulation spell still running through my veins I was completely content with my surroundings. I didn't question why I was in an unrecognizable room with peach walls. I also didn't question why the bed I was lying upon so uncomfortable. I didn't question why the emotions of fear, anguish, and anxiety didn't run through my body as I knew that being in close proximity to Kai was unarguably dangerous to my wellbeing. I just lied there in the same outfit that I had wore on the day that Kai threatened Damon's life; the day I tried to kill him. So as I sat upward on the unbearably lumpy mattress that I had resided in, I paused.

"When did what start?" I asked while trying to regain feeling in my rear end.

"The suicidal thoughts," Kai began as he got up from the awkward chair that he was sitting on and stood to his full height, seamlessly covering the pretty pictures of flowers that once resided over his sitting frame. "You said beforehand that you wanted to die," he swallowed. "Do you still want to?" A hint of vulnerability touched his voice as he finished his inquiry about my mental health. Kai's feet found his way to the end of the bed and lightly sat down, leaving some well needed space between us. He licked his lips and I took notice of the slight tick in his left hand that made his pointing finger move in a fashion that whispered anxiousness. As if that one finger was itching to touch something and regain a sense of calm that would relax his nerves. Instead of prolonging the deafening silence that was between us I decided to entertain the act of actually having a conversation with him.

"It was back in 1994. I wanted to kill myself – I had an urge to. But I couldn't go through with it." The memories of the lonely days and nights living in isolation reared its ugly head and I shivered. "But as of right now, I don't want to die. I'm kind of depressed though. But I don't think I want to die. I just...don't want to feel like this anymore."

"Why couldn't you go through with it? Why not just end it? Your pain? Your suffering?"

_Hope is the only thing keeping me going, Damon. _"Hope," I replied back simply. Kai shook his head in disbelief as he rolled his eyes and gave me a pity look. "What can I say? I'm an eternal optimist."

"That's pathetic," he scoffed.

"Call it whatever you want. The reason why I'm all screwed up is because of you."

"I mean hope – really?" Kai continued whilst ignoring my last comment. He then got more comfortable in my lumpy bed by scooting up into the middle of it and lying on his side while keeping his head propped up by interconnecting his head to his hand. He looked up to me as I frowned at him because of his annoying all of a sudden boldness and comfortability. And because of the fact that his combat boots were on the bed too. "I get the suicidal part of course because even I tried to off myself a couple times as well. I can actually list off the ways I tried to end it: pills, hanging, I even tried to set myself on fire." He laughed lightheartedly as if talking this topic of conversation was completely normal. "Oh! And let's not forget how I tried to jump off a bridge, but I still couldn't die. It was tortuous." He began to shake his head in remembrance. "But you did something even more dangerous. You _hoped. _Which is pretty sad seeing that your friends don't give a fuck about you. Damon maybe, but nobody else."

I flinched. I flinched so irrevocably hard that Kai took obvious notice into my discomfort and an already sinister look of understanding and disgust graced his face. Before answering, he changed his body position from his side, to his back and laid both arms underneath is head in a seemingly lounging fashion. I still sat upward and awkward and managed to turn my body to face his so he could gracefully continue to judge and degrade me.

"What is with you and Damon?" He asked more to himself than me. His face showed a look of sincere confusion. As if he couldn't wrap his finger around it. "All you guys do is fight. It hardly seems as if you remotely like each other. But still – " he said, looking me dead in the eye. "You continue to have unwavering faith in him. Why is that?"

"He's my – _was _my best friend," I croaked.

"Best friend?" Kai mocked. "Is that supposed to mean something?"

"Why do you even care," I asked nonchalantly. "I thought we were talking about your suicidal tendencies and how depressed I am. Not my relationship with Damon." I ended on a firm note, that Kai took notice of. He turned his head in an questionable matter seemingly letting the matter drop.

"How would you imagine ending it?" He asked.

"Are you seriously asking me how I would off myself?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes I am. I can envision you OD'ing. With the depression and all, and seeing how overdose is more of a female thing," he added calmly.

I scoffed. "That's morbid – and a bit sexist."

"If you were still in '94 right now, would you do it? Could you see yourself kicking the bucket and losing that eternal optimism that lives in you?"

_Hope is the only thing keeping me going Damon. So if you're really done – if you have none, then be done. Because this isn't helping!_

I curled my neck in remembrance of that day I was oh so willingly trying to pull off Damon's daylight ring so he could burst into flames and I'd finally be free of his overbearing complaints and false hope. I knew that I would never actually do it because of my small emotional attachment to Damon, but it still never failed to remind me why Damon was even remotely able to survive. It was because of me. I was his emotional support and he was mine. And when he was gone, that emotional support diminished day after day. I knew within myself that one day it would become too much. The pain and loneliness would finally suffocate him to the point of death. So could I end my life after fighting the good fight to keep on living?

I turned back to Kai who's eyes were still locked on mine awaiting my answer. I didn't even know the answer myself. "The hell if I know."

Kai sighed. "I just feel bad for them – your friends."

I squinted my eyes at him in question. "Why?"

"Because after I'm done with you...they're going to wish that you did kill yourself."


End file.
